Friday, August 28, 2020

Trump demands Biden take a drug test. Here’s a better idea:

Can you spot the Adderall symptoms? Or is he just addled?
The wannabe emperor Donald Trump says he’s suspicious — of Joe Biden, that is.

According to The Washington Examiner, a newspaper that’s often just a gnat’s hair to the right of Attila The Hun, the president expressed suspicion at what he said was a sudden, marked improvement in Biden's debate performance during the Democratic primary season and suggested that he believes the improvement was the result of drugs. The president offered no evidence to support his speculation.”

However, evidence or no, Trump is now demanding that Biden take a drug test before their first debate.

If this all sounds familiar, it’s because Trump began babbling similarly addled horse manure about Hillary Clinton back when he was running against her, The New York Times reminds us.

Poor Trump! He has no program, except to take care of Donald Trump. In order to hold on to the presidency that he botched so badly, he’s making the same promises he made during the first election — wall, Mexico, tax cuts, no preexisting conditions (although we already enjoy that benefit and he tried, unsuccessfully,  to destroy President Obama's no-prexisting-conditions rule during his first term), and so-yawn and so-fart.

So, of course he wants the distraction of a drug test. Our pathetic excuse for a president long ago ran out of rabbits to pull out of his hat. Or from under his orange makeup and his elaborate comb over.

But I have a better idea. Joe Biden ought to call upon Trump to release his tax returns for the past ten years prior to the debate.

You say, “But of course Trump will refuse?” Exactly, and that’s a point that Biden should poke Trump in the eye with eight or ten times during the first debate. (For safety’s sake, Biden should also take a drug test that day and have the results handy, to poke in Trump’s other eye.) 

Meanwhile, Donald, keep taking your Adderall, because you need that drug for your attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. You know, the mental condition with symptoms like getting easily distracted, and not being able to read a two page intelligence report from beginning to end and comprehend what it said.

Just beware of its side affects, like nervousness, difficulty sleeping instead of sitting on your bed all night and tweeting, as well as impotence, and hair loss.

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