FBI hero demonstrates he has more effective ways to make evildoers talk than the waterboard brigade could imagine. Like home-baked cookies.

For all those imbeciles who support torture of suspected terrorists – and they range from virtually every one of the imbeciles in the White House to (I’m embarrsed to admit it) that imbecile Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer – here’s a pie in your face. Or maybe a plateful of cookies.

In an interview on 60 minutes broadcast this last Sunday evening, an FBI interrogator showed the world and those nincompoops at the CIA how to get detailed, valuable intelligence out of top enemy tough guys without one yanked fingernail, one taser zap, one night in a freezing room, one night with rock ‘n roll blaring at an unbearable pitch – or one millisecond on a waterboard.

The interrogator, George Pirro, did it with politeness, a bit of fakery, a few kind words, pretending to show some warmth to Saddam, a package of baby wipes, and on Saddam’s birthday, a box of cookies baked by the interrogator's mother.

Yes, as we’ve crankily pointed out before here and here you can get people to talk with water torture or “enhanced interrogation” as the imbeciles call it, hoping the rest of us will be gulled into thinking that if you change the name, it isn't torture any more. The problem is, you can’t trust the talk. Torture victims, or "enhanced interrogation" victims, if you insist, often will say whatever you want them to say to make the torture stop.

Perhaps with less torture and more of the Pirro technique, we’d have Osma Bin Ladin in custody right now.

Or perhaps the Bush administration doesn’t want him in custody. Given the Bush administration’s insistence that torture works (and simultaneous denial that we torture anybody) one begins to wonder whether we don't have some evildoers right there in the White House. Not to mention the campaign trail.

War? Or no war? The dangerously stubborn fool in the White House is bruising for a fight with Iran. Any reason will do. Or no reason.

Say one thing for President George W. Bush. When it comes to war, he sticks to his guns.

He called for war with Iraq because Saddam Hussein was supposedly harboring weapons of mass destruction. Remember?

When an American inspector said there were no weapons of mass destruction, George Bush said uh uh, they really were there and we had to send in troops to find them.

When the troops discovered there was nothing to find, the reason we were in Iraq changed. We were there to topple Saddam Hussein.

When Saddam toppled, the reason became that we were fighting Al Queda. Nevermind that there hadn’t been an Al Queda in Iraq until we jumped in there.

Oh, and now we’re there to give Iraq democracy. Well, they’re not exactly interested in democracy, but we’re there to give them stability.

Stability? Saddam Hussein gave them stabililty.

Now we’re up to our necks in an Iraqi morass. The nation is broke because Genius George cut taxes and started a war in almost the same breath. So what does he want to do? He wants to invade Iran.

First the reason was that Iran was building nukes. Now our own intelligence says the Iranians discontinued their nuke program four years ago.

So now the excuse is, Iran wanted to build nukes before they decided not to build nukes.

Or if that doesn't work, the excuse is that Iran could build nukes if they ever decide to.

The same could be said of Uganda, Norway, Latvia, Poland, Ghana, Japan, Brazil, South Africa, and just about any other nation you could name. Not to mention a very bright kid in a basement somewhere. So what’s different about Iran? George Bush feels like starting a war with Iran, that’s what’s different.

His philosophy of national security got articulated on this blog a while ago. It’s time to reiterate his brilliant philosophy:

“We won’t be safe ‘till everybody’s dead.”