Michelle Bachmann and the big lie that got away

I’ve been waiting – and waiting, and waiting, dudes – for some press truth squad to point out that Michelle Bachman was so full of bullpoop during the Republican candidates debate in New Hampshire the other night that she could have fertilized a 40-acre turnip field.

I’m speaking particularly of her reference to America’s roots as a Christian nation.

She caught me off guard. I wasn’t taking notes because I didn’t think any claim so bald-facedly false would emerge from the debate. But at some point she lectured us on the founding fathers’ belief in Christianity and how this make us a Christian nation.

Her proof? The line from the Declaration of Independence (Didn’t she mistakenly say the line was from the Constitution?) that “all men are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights ….”

She, she in effect said, the founding fathers wrote “creator” because they believed in God.

Sorry, Michelle. Once again you flunk history. The revolutionary founders used the word “creator” because they didn’t want to use the word “God.” There were quite a few deists among the founders. They believed there was something that created us, but whether it was a god or some other force they couldn’t say.

Go here and you’ll learn

Deism has no church and no official organization, hence, it is not considered a religion. It is more a reason-based view of religion in general. Deism is sometimes referred to as a religious philosophy or a religious outlook. In general, Deism did not see Christ as the Son of God, did not believe in the Trinity, had no strong belief in miracles, and had no belief in atonement or resurrection. The Bible was not considered “sacred text” among most Deists, although most Deists were (like Franklin) Christian-friendly.

Deism could fall into certain subcategories of Deist-Christian (i.e. Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson) and Deist non-Christian (i.e. Thomas Paine, Ethan Allen). Deist-Christians generally believed the Bible provided good lessons to live by and they attended church regularly. Deist non-Christians generally felt that Christianity was largely an impediment to growth and they did not attend church regularly.

In fact, in a 1796 treaty, the United States declared that the United States government “is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion.”

So shut up, Michelle and stop spewing your bullpoop. Just…shut…up.

A Democrat's prayer (and also a comedian's)

Oh please Lord, let Sarah Palin win the Republican nomination for President. Yes, nominate Sarah, who once revealed to Katie Couric that she doesn’t know the name of a single newspaper, probably because she has never read one. Assuming she knows how to read.

If it can’t be Sarah Palin, Lord, let it be Michelle Bachman, whose ignorance of history makes her a laughing stock.

If it can’t be Michelle Bachman, Lord, let it be the plastic Republican who is named after a baseball glove and who once strapped his dog to the roof of his car and roared down the highway, and who was for Obamacare before he was against it.

If it can’t be Mitt Romney Lord, let it be Paul Ryan, whose plot to kill Medicare has the majority of Americans seething with outrage.

Y’see, I believe that America for some strange reason is coming to its senses. And when the process is complete, the Republicans are finished. I was about to say “the crazy Republicans,” but is there any other kind?

Why hasn't The New York Crank been cranking out more blog pieces lately?

Here's the simple answer, dude. I've been too busy trying to earn a living.

The thing about freelancers is, when the music plays, you gotta dance. Lately the music has been playing. Loud. And fast. And and I've been dancing as fast as I can.

So let me make a few quick points and dance back to work.

• Newt Gingrich is insane. No explanation needed.

• Michelle Bachmann ought to be arrested for advocating the violent overthrow of the United States, just the way they arrested and jailed communists for this decades ago. Every time somebody tries to run a videoclip of her doing this, Fox or somebody takes down the clip for "violation of terms of service." Why are they afraid of exposing the truth?

• I'm not opposed to Christine O'Donnell because she "dabbled in witchcraft." I oppose Christine O'Donnell because she's the kind of idiot who would dabble in witchcraft and then blame it on the 1980s. Actually, her economic theories put her firmly in the 1680s. Which, come to think of it, may be why she dabbled in witchcraft in the first place.

That's all I have to say for now. Back to the salt mine.