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We know Melania Trump swiped part of her speech from Michelle Obama. Now
there’s prima facie evidence that Donald Trump got his political philosophy
from Tony the Tiger. But that’s not what this post is about.
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Somebody in the Trump camp must be sweating bullets.
It's quite nearly a given that opposing Presidential nominees are expected to debate each other on television. Which leads me to wonder what’s going through the minds of people at Trump headquarters.
No, I’m not talking about the mind of Donald Trump himself. I’m sure he thinks he can walk in front of the cameras, call his opponent “crooked Hillary” a few hundred times, and promise he’ll be like Tony the Tiger of Sugar Frosted Flakes fame, and make America grrrrreat! again. And that will be that.
But less bloated heads in Trumpland must assuredly know better. As we saw during her speech on Thursday night, Hillary is calm, confident, knows her stuff in depth, is not likely to be rattled easily, and has a fat dossier on Trump.
So for openers, if Hillary, or questioners from the press ask Trump a single “how” question, his goose is is deep fried in oil sludge.
“How will you pay for that when you also promise to cut taxes, Donald? What government waste are you specifically talking about? How much will this program cost and how did you calculate that, Donald? Will you really give nukes to Saudi Arabia and risk the resultant mid-Est holocaust? Will you actually permit your pal Putin to march in and take Poland and Hungary? Nice tie you’re wearing Donald...why did you have it made in China?”
And so on. Not to mention all the tangible horrors waiting for Hillary to pull out of Trump’s past and demand that he answer to, from the Trump University Follies to stiffed carpenters and plumbers, to bankrupt casinos. And what’s Trump specifically going to counter-punch with other than “she got $600,000 for a speech,” and “Don’t believe her, she’s crooked, folks.”
The one danger is that Trump will try to shout down anything Hillary says. But that can be, and should be addressed in advanced of the debate. It ought to be stipulated that during each candidate’s turn to talk, the other candidate’s microphone shall be turned off by a neutral time keeper. In fact, I like that idea so much, that in the name of civil discourse I think this rule should be extended to all political debates, not to mention all those migraine-inducing Shouting Head Festivals on CNN.
But back to the Clinton-Trump debate:
I can’t imagine anyone in the Trump camp who wants the disagreeable duty, after the first debate if there is one, of handing The Donald a bloody plastic bag with something horrifying in it and saying, “Mr. Trump, Hillary said I should give this to you for a souvenir.”
The Donald will of course make a face and ask, “What is that?” And the Trump staffer will have to say, “Those are your testicles, sir.” Whereupon The Donald will discover for the first time that during the debate he lost something without even realizing it.
So I’m saying there’s a better than fair chance that Trump’s handlers will find an excuse not to let him debate. Any excuse. It might be a flareup of the old “foot thing” (whichever foot he decides to remember it was) that kept him out of the military. Or it might be the petulant announcement that “I refuse to even be in the same room with Crooked Hillary.” It might even be, “the press is so biased against me that I can’t debate her.”
Nobody will be fooled, but I’m guessing that Trump will use any escape hatch he can find to run like a scared rabbit. And if he doesn’t run from the first debate, he even more likely will before the second.
You say his ego is far too inflated to miss a an opportunity to appear on national TV and demonstrate that, no matter what anybody says, vulgarity is not dead? Just remember that what’s really inflated is just another gas bag. And the more inflated they are, the more easily and louder they pop.
My advice to Hillary: declare some debate dates, get the network time reserved, and if Trump doesn’t show up, debate from your side and let the camera point to an empty chair when it’s Trump’s turn.
As for me, if there ever actually is a Clinton-Trump debate, or two, or more, I intend to sit in front of the television set with two bowls. One will contain a heaping serving of popcorn. The other will be filled to the brim with schadenfreude.
3 comments:
the internet would be better if this were never posted
i mean, is there anything in this blog that a person with an IQ in double digits couldn't think of in 5 minutes ?
did you do ANY research on past debates, to see how, say Berlesconi handles this ?
no
please, stop pixel pollution
Umm, Soccer Dad?
Your reference to "Berlesconi" (I believe, and you can do some research to check this out, that he spells it Berlusconi with a U) is a non-sequitur of such magnificent dimensions that it ranks with the question, "Did you remember to study nuclear physics before you stuck those beans in your ears?"
Sorry you find my posts so polluting to the Internet. Some would say I could reduce the pollution by taking down your comment, but I prefer to leave it up, as a living illustration of the fact that in the United States, even an indisputable nincompoop can express himself freely.
Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank
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