Friday, January 10, 2014

Squish, squish, squash! Chris Christie throws his own people under the bus, drives it over them, then backs up and keeps squashing them until they’re flat.

Sounding like an angelic and contrite choir boy who’d been caught by his priest pilfering from the collection plate, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed today that there are really two Governor Christies.

One, the old familiar one, is mean, sharp tongued, and nasty:

The other Governor Christie is sweet and innocent-sounding, “heartbroken” “incredibly disappointed” and about to burst out into “the anguish stage” of grief – over at least two of his aides. He has a developed a late-blooming curiosity over matters that were in the headlines for weeks. What his press conference on the topic boiled down to was, "Who, me? I'm an innocent dupe."

Christie's aides royally screwed thousands of innocent commuters and were probably responsible for the death of at least one occupant of an ambulance that couldn’t get a heart patient to the hospital on time because the aides deliberately jammed up traffic on and around the George Washington Bridge.

At the same time, Christie demonstrated that if you work for him and he feels he needs to save his own hide, he can and will squash your career and your reputation with all the tender regard of an exterminator stomping on a cockroach. He’ll throw you under the bus and drive back and forth over you several times, until you’re as flat as five-day-old road kill.

Not that his aides deserve much sympathy for what they’ve done. But it appears they were almost certainly “taking a bullet” for him. And he may have been speaking sweetly, but he was squeezing the trigger himself, with the the compassion of a pit viper.

Christie not only had “accepted” the resignation of David Wildstein as a Port Authority of New York administrator, but suddenly denied that he had ever been Wildstein’s friend, contradicting months and months of reporting that they had been high school buddies, reports the governor never denied before.

As for his own Deputy Chief of Staff, Bridget Kelly, Christie piously told the world, “I’ve terminated her employment because she lied to me.”

The lie, said Christie, was that she knew nothing about any traffic jams when, in fact, she had called up Wildstein and ordered it.

He is also, as you can see in the second video above, vowing to find out what happened. But according to news reports, he is going to appoint Bridget Kelley's boss, his own Chief of Staff Kevin O'Dowd as the next state Attorney General. That means, in effect, that the Christie administration will be investigating itself – a nifty way to control the evidence and deep-six the damning stuff.

Does the governor think
you’re an idiot, too?

The Governor is clearly asking the world to believe that despite weeks of headlines in the news about the traffic jam, he lacked the intellectual curiosity until his televised act of contrition to find out what was going on, or why suddenly everything was gridlocked on the bridge and adjacent Fort Lee, New Jersey.

He is also asking the world to believe that a member of his staff called for a traffic jam on her own say-so, working not as a public servant but as a self-appointed political operator for Christie.

The only reasons she possibly could have done that would have either been to curry Christie’s favor or more likely, to follow an order from Christie or her boss, the self-investigating Kevin O'Dowd. Yet Christie wants us to believe she denied any knowledge of the situation to him.

In order to believe her, Christie would have to be the sort of “stupid” “idiot” he accuses other people of being– from teachers to reporters.

Umm, sorry, that pointer-out of idiots would be Governor Christie’s double super secret evil twin brother masquerading as the angelic governor.


Patricia said...

Crank, yes, Christie does think we're idiots, Why not? A lot of people voted for him in my county. Everyone except the people who weren't "stronger than the storm."
I love the way they set him up in that Christie corral or whatever you call that thing to hide his fat ass. Talk about stopping traffic, in all the wrong ways. No one will remember this in a couple of days, then he'll run for least he'll be out of Jersey. Oh hey, did you know that New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the country? Our unemployment rate tops 8%. A Governor should be concerned about those things, none of which have changed since he took office. Heckuva job there Christie...

The New York Crank said...

I'm not sure I agree, Patricia. This thing has legs. There's going to be a controversy over whether his attorney general appointee can investigate himself. There's going to be a Federal U.S. attorney poking his nose into things. David Wildstein's attorney is already talking testimony in exchange for immunity, which means he likely has some testimony to exchange, and I'm guessing Chris isn't going to like hearing it.

I have a funny feeling that the moment Wildstein opens his mouth for anything other than an invocation of the Fifth Amendment, you're going to see swarms of flies, stinging insects and cockroaches pouring out of there like you wouldn't believe.

Plus, it's not just the left-of-center that's pushing this. The Nation of Wingnuttia also has no love of Christy and would dearly like to see him out of the running before the starting gate opens to make room for the likes of – oh I dunno, Marco Rubio and Paul Ryan, maybe.

Will people and the press forget Christie anyway? Maybe. The newsfolk are a fickle lot. But that's where bloggers like you and me come in. Keep up the pressure. Don't let 'em forget.

Very crankily yours,
The New York Crank