Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Days of Wine and Rubber Hoses: a sporadically cranky department featuring doom, gloom, disaster, disorganization, chaos, social disintegration, and sometimes Donald Trump

Yeah, sure
I found this damned cheery thought, posted on the outside bulletin board of a local Manhattan church. I beg to disagree.

Contrary to the sign, every child comes with the message that God is attempting to speed the process of destroying humanity that we humans launched by overpopulating the planet and wantonly wrecking the climate.

In 1950 the earth was crowded with 2.5 billion people. By 2010 it had grown to 6.8 billion people. By 2050, it’s projected to be 9.3 billion people. Meanwhile, where housing developments haven’t swallowed up arable farmland and oxygen-producing forests, encroaching deserts are getting close to swallowing up more than a third of the earth’s surface. Did I also mention high tides flooding low-lying land as a continent full of ice melts into the oceans?

The world, if we survive at all, will start resembling downtown Calcutta during a heat wave. But it may not go on that long. I suspect that just as rabies regulates bat and rat populations, nuclear weapons will regulate ours.

Giving Donald Trump's stubby fingers access to the nuclear football? It's all part of "God's Plan" to get rid of the divine mistake called humanity.

Old army joke: If you learn that a nuclear weapon is approaching you and about to explode, here’s what the Official Military Manual says to do:

  1. Stand with your feet 18-24 inches apart
  2. Do a deep knee bend as far down as you can go
  3. Stick your head between your legs as far as it can go
  4. Kiss your butt goodbye


1 comment:

Steve M. said...

I suspect that just as rabies regulates bat and rat populations, nuclear weapons will regulate ours.

Zika worries me. What confers our evolutionary advantage as a species? Our brains. Zika attacks fetuses' brains. Something that did that on a mass scale would be lights out for humans (and probably not a minute too soon).