Monday, March 26, 2007

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s lawyers move to stop a “fixated press” from reporting on Bloomberg police state shenanigans. Oh, the poor baby!

Astoundingly, I keep hearing via the rumor mill that New York’s mayor Michael Bloomberg still harbors presidential ambitions.

Mike, Mike, in today's political atmosphere you can’t run your town like a police state and still expect people to turn out for you.

This cranky corner of the Internet has reported on Bloomberg’s neo-Hitlerian behavior before. (See “Heil Bloomberg” here):
(You'll have to scroll down to the story.)

But now that Bloomberg’s chickens are coming home to roost, the city’s lawyers are pleading with the courts to stop the chickens.

Okay, okay, that metaphor is a trifle overcooked. So let’s get down to hobnail boots. This morning’s New York Times reports:

“Lawyers for the city, responding to a request to unseal records of police surveillance leading up to the 2004 Republican convention in New York, say that the documents should remain secret because the news media will ‘fixate upon and sensationalize them,’ hurting the city’s ability to defend itself in lawsuits over mass arrests.

“In papers filed in federal court last week, the city’s lawyers also say that the documents could be ‘misinterpreted’ because they were not intended for the public.”

Translation from Mike’s Lawyerese into plain New Yorkese:

“Hey, in da foist place, if da press sees what’s in the records, it’ll show dat we’ve been spying on just about any organization dat don't love Mike Bloomberg or George Bush.

"It'll also show we've inserting cops into their meetings, reading their mail, surreptitiously taking their photographs, finding ways to disrupt them and stifle their freedom of speech, illegally confiscating their property and stuff like dat. Da press is gonna report all dis here stuff, which will make us look bad. No fair! Whaa whaa whaa!

“Oh, and second of all, da public is too dumb to understand police reports written by our brilliant detectives.”

Are these the same kind of brilliant detectives who fired 50 shots into a van filled with unarmed and innocent partygoers – one of the brilliant dicks stopping to reload before plugging them again, and again, and again?

Also in the news: Bloomberg's rocket scientist cops have discovered that one of the greatest threats to the security of our nation is a group of satirists called Billionaires for Bush (link in our links column) who poke fun of Republicans. Oh, the horror of it all!

A police report that did get uncovered revealed the shocking news that, “Billionaires for Bush is an activist group forged as a mockery of the current president and political policies. Preliminary intelligence indicates that this group is raising funds for expansion and support of anti-R.N.C. activist organizations.”

In other words, “Dem guys is poiposely making fun of da President and his policies and they’re raising dis here money to promote a point of view dat Mayor Mike don’t like.”

Horrors! No wonder Bloomberg doesn’t want more details of his Keystone Kops police state behavior revealed.

God knows whether the cops are also spying on The New York Crank. We recently received a request for our mailing address from someone who said he wanted to send us a book of poetry. That could be a new variation an old cop technique. The cops write to skells, telling them they’ve won a lot of money. The letter says they can claim the cash by coming to a party, at a certain time, at a certain address. When they show up, they all get busted.

On the other hand, it could be a legitimate request from a guy who simply wants The New York Crank to look at his poetry, perhaps in the hope the Crank will say something nice about it and lead others to buy the book.

At any rate, despite the chilling pall that Bloomberg, his lawyers and his cops are trying to throw over free speech, we sent the poet – or perhaps the cop posing as a poet – our address.

Hey! Yo, cops! If youse guys want to spy on The Crank, youse is welcome. There's nothing youse guys will discover that you can't find out right here – except maybe about my cranky fondness for French cuisine and pricey steak restaurants. And now youse have loined that here, too.

As the comedian used to say: But seriously, folks – it’s time for Michael Bloomberg, and his police Commissioner, Michael Kelly, to finish their terms and retire.

Or maybe it's also time for them to get busted for violating the civil rights of New Yorkers and do a little bit of prison time. Civil rights violations were a Federal crime, last time I looked.

P.S. Don’t go away without checking out the Billionaires for Bush website. Their members now have the temerity to make fun not only of the Bush administration, but also of the Bloomberg administration and the cops who work for it. Sample comment on the discovery that New York detectives were spying on Billionaires for Bush:

"We suspect they were looking for stock tips."

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