Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Trump’s abandoned tuna fish; Giuliani’s legal fees; Miss Lindsey’s plea to, uh, disappear some ballots; and Georgia TV stations strike gold.

 The thing about Donald Trump is, he tells so many lies that he forgets to follow up on them. Wasn’t it only September, a piffling two-and-a-fraction months ago, that Cranky Six-Year-Old was warning us that “Antifa’s” killer weapon of choice was tuna fish?

“They throw it,” Trump declared in a rally near Pittsburgh. “It’s the perfect weight, tuna fish, they can really rip it, right? And that hits you. No, it’s true. Bumble Bee brand Tuna.” 

(Sorry, I had a perfectly lovely old Bumblebee Tuna jingle TV commercial to insert here but — you know — the "new improved" Blogger isn't letting me.)


Hey, what happened to the soup?


Trump had already forgotten his previous lie concerning Antifa weaponry, that the Antifa Forces of Evil were throwing soup cans. Now he seems to have forgotten the tuna fish, too.


Well, whatever. By tomorrow, he’ll probably forget why he thinks he won the election. In which case, perhaps Rudy Giuliani can remind him.


After all, Rudy’s job of overcoming the results of a national election by walking into court and throwing a distraction of horsefeathers in the air is probably the best-paying work an evidently discombobulated lawyer can get. 


Will Trump pay $20 grand

a day for anything?


According to the New York Times, America’s Horsefeathers Artist, formerly “America’s Mayor” has asked the Trump campaign for $20,000 a day for his legal work. That presumably includes arranging press conferences at the “Four Seasons” — the garden center, not the hotel. You know, the one next to the porn shop and the crematorium. 


“A $20,000 a day rate would have made Mr. Giuliani…among the most highly compensated lawyers anywhere,” the Times pointed out.


That’s assuming he can collect a nickel. Unless, of course, he started with a retainer of, oh, I dunno, let’s say a couple of million bucks? In which case, Trump still has a few weeks of legal representation before Giuliani has to go looking for work again.


On the other hand, the same Times article reported Giuliani says he never asked for twenty grand a day. “The arrangement is, we’ll work it out in the end," Giuliani said. In which case, given who his client is, he is so screwed that he’ll be able to scrape together a living appearing in hardware store commercials.


Miss Lindsey’s housekeeping 


Nothing disturbs a Lady of Refinement like clutter. Which is perhaps why Senator Lindsey Graham reportedly told Georgia’s Secretary of State, according to a story in the Huffington Post and on Yahoo to “find a way to throw out legal ballots.”


Graham, of course, denies it and claims it’s “ridiculous” so think that a few little things he said could be interpreted that way. On the other hand, he’s one of the horsefeather artists who’s claiming the Presidential election was so beset by fraud that Trump was unable to win. So maybe Georgia’s Secretary of State is not so ridiculous after all. And speaking of Georgia…


How do you strike it rich in Georgia?


The answer’s simple. Own a TV station while the Senatorial runoffs are running their ad campaigns.


According to Ad Age, one of the leading trade publications of the Madman biz, “money is flooding into the peach state” and it’s therefore “the most wonderful time of the year—if you happen to own a TV or radio station in Georgia.”


The top spender is Republican Senatorial candidate Kelly Loeffler, who’s shucked out $32.5 million for advertising. Total up all the spending from all candidates and it comes to $101 million. That means each of Georgia’s 10.6 million residents will likely get whacked with $10-a-head worth of advertising by the time it’s all over.


Quite frankly my dear, I have always relied on the kindness of ear plugs.


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