Thursday, March 19, 2015

Donald Trump throws his combover into the race for Republican Presidential nominee. Who’s next, I wonder?

Narcissistic puppet and former presidential Candidate Howdy Doody, 

Howdy Doody for President
He’s America’s choice
He will never be hesitant
To fight for the rights of girls and boys!

Above, a stanza from the campaign song of Howdy Doody.

He was a string puppet whose late afternoon television antics enthralled seven- eight- and nine-year-olds of my generation back in…well it was a very long time ago, a time  when television was so new that children and adults alike would stare for hours at anything that moved on a blurry 7-inch screen.

Suffice it to say that Howdy never made it to the White House. In fact, given that the coaxial cable had yet to be installed to make possible coast-to-coast television programming, and TV shows were yet to get videotaped, I don’t even know if Howdy’s show made it even as far as Pittsburgh. 

Howdy Doody had a human side kick ostensibly named Buffalo Bob Smith, and a coterie of other puppets and clowns with names like “Mr. X,” “Mister Bluster,” “Clarabel the Clown,” and “Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring.” Does that all sound vaguely like a collection of Republican presidential candidates to you? 

I’d be tempted to say you can’t make this stuff up, but obviously somebody did at NBC, back in the day.

I bring this up because of  the revelation that Donald Trump is “seriously” running for president. Or at least the Manchester, New Hampshire Union-Leader is taking it seriously. Their article states:
Combined with staff hires, Trump’s announcement that he will form an exploratory committee for the first time is a sign the billionaire is seriously considering running for the Republican nomination.
Somehow Trump’s name and the adjective “seriously” in the same sentence reek of more than a soup├žon of Eau d'Oxymoron. All the same, given the Republican predilection to seriously consider a huge assortment of clowns and corporate puppets as presidential candidates in recent years, I’ll take any Republican’s  announced candidacy  seriously. 

I mean, please remember that Sarah Palin was once the actual, gen-u-ine Republican Vice-Presidential nominee. How did that work out for ya, Republicans? And Mitt Romeny last time around was seriously the presidential candidate. And among the many people who climbed out of the Republican clown car wearing baggy polkadot pants, bulbous red noses and giant shoes  were Rick Perry and Herman Caine. 

So this year we already have Fat Chris Christie, whose lap band surgery doesn’t seem to have helped much. And Scott Walker, whose backstabbing of his own constituency of Wisconsin working folks has made him the Mister X of a new generation.  And Carly Fiorina, who has a rare talent for swamping  huge corporate enterprises. (Imagine what she could achieve with the U.S. Government.) And Jeb Bush, whose administration as Florida’s governor seems to have been ethically, umm, challenged, not to mention his quirky support of “faith based prisons.”

And also not to mention, as a writer for the Florida Sun-Sentinal put it, that…
… while his tenure coincided with a sizzling economy and an overflowing treasury, Bush's back-to-back terms were marred by frequent ethics scandals, official bungling and the inability of the government he downsized to meet growing demands for state services, including education and aid for the infirm and the elderly.
And now we have The Donald? 

Oh boy, maybe we Dems can win with Hillary and all her flaws after all.

A final thought. Can you imagine going abroad and saying to incredulous foreigners, "This is my president?"

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Dictatorships, murder, Greece, Florida, Governor Rick Scott, and the the secret words that may not be spoken

Florida under Governor Rick Scott is
slowly becoming the kind of dictatorship
 portrayed years ago in the movie "Z"
This story takes place in Florida but I’m going to begin it almost half a century ago in Greece. That was when a peace activist and physician named Gregoris Lambraskis was clubbed over the head, in public, for his political opinions, and died of the beating.

His death lead to demonstrations that captured the Greek headlines. Over half a million people joined a protest against the right wing government – actually more of a military junta than anything most Americans would recognize as a government.  When honest government investigators  began uncovering connections to ultra right wing extremists and the army, the investigators were fired from their jobs.

All this was retold in a 1969 film called "Z,"  a real-life thriller that fully deserves a revival. You can learn more about it and see the trailer here.
In the film, as in real life, the protest movement begins scrawling grafitti around town consisting of one letter, “Z,” which was shorthand for “He Lives!” referring to Lambrakis. So the government, in reaction to public exposure of corruption and illegalities, and still trying to maintain thought control, outlaws the letter Z.

And now to Florida.

The Miami Herald is reporting that Governor Rick Scott’s office has threatened to fire, and in fact  has fired people for using forbidden words and phrases. The forbidden words and phrases are, “climate change,” “global warming” and "sustainability.”

Here are some of the eerily creepy, excerpts from the Miami Herald article, outlining an atmosphere reminiscent of “Z” :
“We were told not to use the terms ‘climate change,’ ‘global warming’ or ‘sustainability,’” said Christopher Byrd, an attorney with the DEP’s Office of General Counsel in Tallahassee from 2008 to 2013. “That message was communicated to me and my colleagues by our superiors in the Office of General Counsel.”
And this:
One former DEP employee who worked in Tallahassee during Scott’s first term in office, and asked not to be identified because of an ongoing business relationship with the department, said staffers were warned that using the terms in reports would bring unwanted attention to their projects. 
“We were dealing with the effects and economic impact of climate change, and yet we can’t reference it,” the former employee said.
The prohibition against words pertaining to global warming occurred after one agent of Governor Scott, Herschel Vineyard Jr., was appointed director of Florida’s Department of Environmental Protection, effectively changing it into a department of environmental destruction. The Miami Herald also reports:
Under Vineyard, the DEP was repeatedly embroiled in controversies, from the suspension of its top wetlands expert after she refused to approve a permit to a failed effort to sell off surplus park land. Longtime employees, including Everglades scientists, were laid off or fired, while top jobs went to people who had been consultants for developers and polluters. Meanwhile the emphasis in regulation shifted from prosecuting violations to helping industry avoid fines.
As for Chris Byrd, well, he hasn’t been clubbed over the head in Tallahassee by thugs in a passing truck, the way Lambraskis was in Greece. Not yet, anyway. But Governor-Dictator Rick Scott and his coo-conspiring corruptocracy have already sought revenge. The Miami Herald reports:

DEP dismissed Byrd in 2013. His termination letter states: “We thank you for your service to the State of Florida; however, we believe the objectives of the office will be accomplished more effectively by removing you from your position.” Byrd, now in private practice as an environmental lawyer in Orlando, said he was fired because he repeatedly complained the DEP was not enforcing laws to protect the environment.

Monday, March 09, 2015

Never Kill a Killer – and other squawks from the Gumshoe Follies

Somebody named Tyler Maroney  seems

to imply we should discourage books 
like this, because a dumb reader might
be inspired to become a crooked private
dick. Instead of banning it, order and read it.
She was the kind of dame I just knew was trouble, from the moment she used one of her shapely gams to push open the door of my office. 

She sauntered in like she owned the place, great clouds of Chanel Number Five wafting off her pulse points and snuffing out the musty odor of the room I call my detective bureau

She sat down on the edge of my desk, crossing her legs and making herself at home. She lit the extra long cigarette that was wedged into her cigarette holder, using the lighter that’s always on top of my desk – a copy of a .45  semi-automatic that spouts a cigarette flame instead of a bullet when you pull the trigger. When she pulled the trigger it made a satisfying snap.

Her dress was red. Her foxtail fur stole was gray. Her eyes were the gunmetal blue color of the gat I always kept in the top drawer of my desk. I quietly opened the drawer and felt  for the reassuring heft of the weapon.

“You wouldn’t hurt a lady,” she purred through clouds of smoke.

“Of course not,” I told her, cocking back the hammer of my .38 snub nosed, removing it from the drawer and pointing it straight at the enticing depths of her decolatage. Why do you ask? Are there any ladies in this room?”

Above, a made up excerpt from a non-existent book, of a genre some of us have come to love – the noir pulp crime novel. None of this stuff ever happened and we all know it. At least any of us with any brains know it. Whether it’s Dashiell Hammet or Mickey Spillane or Lawrence Block, or name your author, we read their stuff for the sheer pleasure of escaping to a world that we can savor only as fiction.

Now, from another world, the world of authentically dumb-but-genuine real life private dicks, comes a dick peddling a book instead of his investigative services. His name is Tyler Maroney, and he’s out to stop what he seems to be telling us is one of the greatest evils known to Western civilization – the noir detective novel.

No no, I am not making this part  up. I quote from an op-ed piece of his that the New York Times published just last Saturday:
[Author John Carroll Daly] and many others who followed him helped romanticize the rule-flouting investigator, and created a world that inspired some people to believe that’s how real private eyes should behave. That’s why fans of the genre need a less felonious detective story, a yarn with more document review and less dark arts that puts the gumshoes in the law’s good graces. 
Lawbreaking private eyes, real and imagined, do a disservice to us all. Honest investigators help ensure that our legal system, our financial institutions and other corners of American life remain fair and transparent.
Right. Your average working gumshoe, following straying wives to motel rooms and occasionally digging up dirt on an out-of-work job applicant who once posted something stupid on Facebook are the bulwark of our democracy. Got it, Maroney.

If you can slog your way through the thick goop of his op-ed piece, Maroney seems to be the quintessential dumb PI, naive, dangerously impressionable, and smitten by the unimportance of what he does. Again I quote:
In my very early days as an investigator, I thought I was granted the authority to do things ordinary citizens could not: use false pretexts to obtain information, impersonate, infiltrate. I was wrong. My first assignment was a background check, which consisted of database research. My second assignment, to trace the source of counterfeit apparel goods, promised more intrigue, but my role was simply to buy shirts online.
In other words, until he finally gave in to the joy of tedium, he thought he could lie chat (and I’m guessing also steal or possibly even kill) because he read about stuff like that in some pulp novel. And somebody pays this genius to do investigative work?

He's not even good at the detective work he does. His own words:
At last, I was granted permission to channel Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe. Working with a former F.B.I. agent, who was armed, I tailed the chief executive of a media company to see if we could catch him meeting with a competitor to discuss a merger. My partner and I sat in a Zipcar outside the Carlyle hotel for seven hours listening to the radio. The executive never made an escape — at least not one we caught.
So now this guy wants to make the detective stories you read as boring as his life. Well, maybe. But a little sniffing around the edges of his prose reveals that he’s got a little something cooking on the side: an ulterior motive.

What it boils down to, observed at least one reader (not me) who put his thoughts in the adjacent comments column, is that Maroney is actually flogging a book called “Corporate Dick.” In it, you can get to read how ethical and dreary his life is.

Hey, I have a better idea. How about a book full of genuine fake detective stories that will whisk you away to the magical world of crime and punishment as we all wish it were. It includes stories by some of the masters of the crime writing trade. It’s called Dark City Lights. Most of the delightful stories in it are just the right length to give your life a charge while you sit on the john.

Crime master Lawrence Block’s hit man, Keller, is in there with a story about taking an assignment to murder a dog. Parnell Hall of the Puzzle Lady mysteries has a piece about the a process server who gets in a little too deep during the process of serving summonses. 

There are wonderful stories by S.J. Rozan, Jim Fusilli, and Jill D. Block, among the 23 authors of real made up crime stories, and even a story by the great science fiction writer Robert Silverberg, about Martian invaders setting up a bivouac in Central Park to the consternation of New Yorkers. Oh, and I suppose I should mention a tale by a guy named Peter Hochstein, about a private gumshoe who really does lead a dreary life until a Mafia wife comes to him with a commission to bump off her husband.

Dark City Lights will be published on April 27th, but you can put in your advance order today by going here.

I don’t know where you can buy Tyler Maroney’s book about the daily tedium and alleged indispensability to our democracy of real goody two-shoes private dicks. And frankly, Tyler, I don’t give an authentic private dick’s dumpster dive. I don’t buy books to find out how long I have to keep forcing myself to read before my eyes roll back in my head.

Monday, March 02, 2015

Ding dong, the witch is d….Oh wait. Scratch that. She’s Alive.!!

When Carly Fiorina was finally ordered by the Board of Directors at HP to take a hike from her job as chief executive, a good many of her employees started singing, “The witch is dead!”

Little wonder. During her tenure the value of HP was sliced in half. She asked her employees to take voluntary pay cuts and when all but 14 percent of them agreed to do so, she thanked them for their sacrifice for the company by firing 30,000 of them. 

Jets, not jobs

Not that any of this led her to pinch pennies, or for that matter, to pinch great bulging sacks of moolah when it came to her own well-being at company expense. At the same time those sacrificing HP employees got thrown out on the street, Fiorina, in the position of CEO, “tripled her salary, bought a million dollar yacht, and five corporate jets.”

Oh, and perhaps most horrific of all: she forced her soon-to-be fired employees to train their own lower-paid replacements. Somehow, that seems akin to an invading army rounding up innocent peasants and making them dig their own graves before shooting them in the back.

But if you think Fiorina’s dismissal was the end of her, you’ve been singing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" again instead of paying attention. It looks like she’s  now trying to become the Republican  presidential candidate, although the right wing National Journal’s Josh Kraushaar has a theory I buy into that’s she’s really running for the vice presidential slot. 

If Palin could do it
why not Fiorina?

Kraushaar makes sense. Fiorina doesn't have the chops for the presidency. She has never held elected office. The one time she ran for the U.S. Senate, despite spending oodles of money (and still owing oodles more to campaign suppliers she has so far stiffed) she got trounced. 

But as a vice presidential candidate she’s be subject to less scrutiny, while possibly serving to foil Hillary Clinton on the Democratic ticket. And she’d be free to spew nonsense like, “I get so tired of the Democrats in general and Hillary. Their facts are just all wrong.” In this case she was referring to the issue of women getting paid less than men for the same job.

Hey, here’s an idea:
let’s blame the unions

Fiorina’s explanation of why Hilary and the Democrats are wrong is as far out in right field as anything that ever fell out of the mouth of Sarah Palin, another brilliant Republican choice for vice-president. If you have the patience to watch the video above, in the course of witnessing what I can best describe as an overtly friendly interview you’ll get a taste of what we’re in for if Carly ever gets into the White House. Or even a heartbeat away from it. 

What her argument boils down to is, it’s the fault of the unions that women are underpaid, because unions want people paid fairly by grade and seniority, where as Florina would simply pay them according to how she feels they “merit” the money.  Never mind that women have been in the work force in substantial numbers for over 30 years, still don’t get paid equally despite all the time they’ve put in. 

If anything, unions protect all workers, from having their salaries cut and their pensions vanished into the rapacious maws of people like Carly Fiorina.

And having watched what happened at Hewlett Packett, we all know how “rewarding” non-unionized people at the whim of management works out.

Monday, February 23, 2015

‘Pologize now. You hear me? I demand you ‘pologize.

I suspect it was down in Texas, where according to sardonic lore, “He needed killin’” can be raised as a valid defense against murder charges, that a new life form was born. 

Moreover, this oozing, disgusting, abrasive, rapidly multiplying new thing has spread nationwide (and now across the seas)  with the rapidity and strength of an ebola pandemic on steroids.

I’m talking about apologizing and the demand for it, or as they call it somewhere, ‘poligizin'.” The apology is now so overused it appears to be a meaningless act, as in, “Everybody’s all over me for shooting that guy in the head. What are they getting so riled up for? Heck, I already ‘pologized for it.”

More disconcerting are the myriad of demands for apologies  and occasional deliveries thereof from the left.  from the right, from the sports world, from military leaders, from small New England town zoning commissions, from riled up nuns, and now even from the Philippines. Did I mention Newt Gingrich?

What got me set off was a report that the people running Mother Jones magazine and its website are all over Bill O’Reilly, the impossibly biased broadcast gas bag, for lying about his so called combat correspondent experience in the Falklands War of 1982. Moreover, he seemed to recommend that somebody kill the reporter who broke the story.

Heck, all my strings vibrate in sympathy with Mother Jones. Except for one thing. Let’s cut out the demands for an apology crap. O’Reilly shouldn’t apologize. An apology does nothing except add more putrid gas to the already fetid air. Besides, the din of meaningless apologies and demands for apologies is so thick, you can’t tell them apart.

Instead, O’Reilly should have his ass fired off the air, and that’s what the editors of Mother Jones should be demanding. They should be demanding it of O’Reilly’s miserable employers. They should also be demanding it of the FCC.  That's also what the rest of us should be demanding, for acts O'Reilly committed ranging lying to soliciting murder when he suggested that the reporter whose reporting O’Reilly doesn’t like should be “in the kill zone, where he deserves to be.”

And no, I ain’t gonna ‘pologize for harping on the subject.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Jim Wright versus the mighty ayatollahs of Texas

Jim Wright, the best damn writer in 
the blogosphere. Go now and read 
Sorry folks, but I’m currently wrestling with the angst of Blogger Burnout. That, I insist, is an authentic medical condition. Sooner or later it will surface in DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association. 

But while my writing muscle has gone more or less catatonic, I can still read. And never have I read a better, more fanatic-busting blog post than the current one by Jim Wright on Stonekettle Station, called the Camel’s Nose.

So head straight over to his post, sit down, and prepare to feel the outrage that will begin boiling up in your chest and eventually sizzle up through your brain, and make steam jet out of your ears.

Yes, it’s about Republicans. And about the religious right. And about what “freedom” means and doesn’t mean in the hands of power-hungry religious fanatics – to children, babies, the unborn, their mothers, and society. In the end, you'll want to toss the Texas ayatollahs in the same stinking sewage pit with the executioners from ISIS and the bombers from Al Qaeda.

Just go here now, and read the damn piece.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

There's money to be made selling dunce caps in Vermont

From The Paris Review's website:

The English language has been in decline for a long time—a very, very long time, in fact, and along the way plenty of people have seen fit to remind us that we’re swirling in the toilet bowl. “It was William Langland, author of Piers Plowman, who wrote that ‘There is not a single modern schoolboy who can compose verses or write a decent letter.’ He died in 1386.
But then there's this from the Vermont Political Observer (Tipoff courtesy of Underbelly-Buce, who I wish would start posting again.)

Monday, February 09, 2015

No no, you people who don’t trust government. You’re only half right. You can’t trust anybody.

Listen, you can’t really hate people for not trusting government. Just look at Congress. 

The most useless people in that useless body are the ones who got into office by running on an anti-government platform. And since Congress is part of government, and the people who ran against useless government are equally useless, you can assume that Congressmen don’t even trust each other. Or themselves.

 So I wasn’t exactly flabbergasted when a publication called Target Marketing reported this morning that people trust business more than government. 

Target Marketing’s report was based on a survey released by a PR firm called Edelman. But in attempting to dig deeper into the report, which wasn’t easy on Edelman’s hard-to-navigate web page, I learned  that just because a lot of people hate Congress more than business, it doesn't mean any love is lost on business, either.

In fact,  “government is still distrusted in 19 of the 27 markets surveyed,” and also, “trust in business is below 50 percent in half those markets.” So people don’t see business as all that trustworthy, either. 

And since business now exerts undue influence on government, by lobbying their bought Congressman – Washington’s favorite indoor sport  – we now have Congress and business slithering  around, building distrust on top of distrust, and chasing chasing their own tails. 

With any luck Congress and business will catch and eat themselves like this snake, that evidently doing a pretty fair job of digesting its own body in its own stomach. (WARNING: Some people may find this video disturbing. Some snakes, Congressmen, lobbyists and business moguls may, as well.)
But Congress and business aren’t the only ones oh the public’s poo list. In addition, “sixty percent of countries now distrust media.” Thanks to all of you who are the ilk of Fox News, Brian Williams, Breitbart and its wannabe pimp and news fake James O’Keefe, and all others who play fast and loose with the facts.

And speaking of mistrust in business, there was yet another story that caught my attention in Target Marketing this morning, and that one was a hair-raiser. It had to do with Dish Network, which evidently has about as much respect for consumers or the regulations of the U.S. Government’s Federal Trade Commission as ISIS does for Charlie Hebdo.

Seems that people have been, and may still be hounded beyond all understanding, even after they put themselves on the Federal Trade Commissions’s Do Not Call List and informed Dish Network of the facts

Target Marketing’s Jeremy Zimmerman reveals:
One FTC report details one woman's struggle:
"One consumer works the night shift at a North Carolina hotel. Turning the phone off when she tries to sleep during the day isn't an option. Her husband has a serious medical condition and she needs to be available in case of emergency. After getting repeated calls about Dish service, she took steps to put an end to the annoyance. She listened to the whole recorded sale pitch, hoping a live person would pick up so she could beg them to stop calling. When she finally got somebody on the line, she told them to put her on their Do Not Call list. She started sleeping on the couch with pencil and paper in hand so she could document the calls when they woke her up. Ultimately, she filed two complaints with her State AG. Dish responded that she probably already was on the company's entity-specific Do Not Call list, but she would be added "in an abundance of caution." But despite all that, the calls kept coming—and according to the government's motion, she was never put on the entity-specific list.
Zimmerman speculates that since Federal Trade Commission rules call for fines of up to $16,000 per violation “Dish will most likely be learning a very pricey lesson on how to treat its customers.”

If I were you, I most likely wouldn't count on that. Maybe some lobbyist will lean on somebody in Congress, to lean on the FTC,  to reduce those fines down to a piffle, and those annoying S.O.B.s at Dish TV will just chuckle. 

Or maybe Zimmerman is merely speculating just as the qualifier he used “most likely” might indicate. (Could Zimmerman's choice of  the phrase “most likely” actually indicate “sorta likely?” Or could Zimmerman be whispering, sotto voce,   “maybe, I hope, I hope.” Or even, “I can’t predict what the FTC will do , but let me throw out a big number and see if it shakes anybody up.”

Meanwhile, I counsel you to trust but verify. And that includes verifying my own stuff, which you can do by following the links in this story.

Monday, February 02, 2015

Satan has a secret plot to enlist Henry Kissinger to poison your child with vaccine. Yeah, I know it’s crazy. That’s my point.

Dr. Len Horowitz promotes the notion that 
vaccination causes autism, and that Henry 
Kissinger  is in a secret cabal with Satan.
Warning: stare too long at Len's T-shirt and you

may become hypnotized, hypnotized, hypnotized.
Look, the whole measles vaccine controversy is getting out of hand. I don’t mean a little bit out of hand. I mean it’s so out of hand that it’s time to call in the people with the white coats and the butterfly nets.

Yeah, children who are immunologically compromised should not be vaccinated. But there’s no good reason for healthy kids not to get the shots, and lots of good reasons relating to public health and pandemic control to make sure kids do get immunized.

But then, we get Jim Wilson of the New York Times reporting on numerous parents like Crystal McDonald:
…here in California, anti-vaccine parents whose children have endured bouts of whooping cough and chickenpox largely defended their choice to raise their children on natural foods, essential oils and no vaccinations.
     “There is absolutely no reason to get the shot,” said Crystal McDonald, whose 16-year-old daughter was one of 66 students sent home from Palm Desert High School for the next two weeks because they did not have full measles immunizations.
     After researching the issue and reading information from a national anti-vaccine group, Ms. McDonald said she and her husband, a chiropractor, decided to raise their four children without vaccines. She said they ate well and had never been to the doctor, and she insisted that her daughter was healthier than many classmates. But when the school sent her home with a letter, Ms. McDonald’s daughter was so concerned about missing two weeks of Advanced Placement classes that she suggested simply getting a measles inoculation
     “I said, ‘No, absolutely not,’ “ Ms. McDonald said. “I said, ‘I’d rather you miss an entire semester than you get the shot.’ “
Right, keep the kids out of school. Better they grow up ignorant than that they have boogeyman toxins in their blood.

Who are these people? Crazy, Tea Party wingnut no-nothings, right?


I am sad and embarrassed to say that these are the people who are usually in synch with the kinds of common sense thinking that this cranky blog supports. They are  well-educated, comfortably well-off – but when it comes to matters of vaccination, they are as whacky as a wing nut on a whipping post.

They all adhere, whether they realize it or not, to the teachings of Dr. Len Horowitz, who is sometimes reported to have a degree in Public Health from Harvard, and sometimes reported to be a dentist. If that latter is true, he has progressed remarkably, and I suspect quite profitably, from filling teeth to filling gullible minds with claptrap.

Let me offer you just one exhibit, a quote from an article Horowitz is promoting about himself in which he reports (and hang to your shorts for this one)…
     …Dr. Leonard Horowitz, a Harvard-trained researcher, discovered a foreboding fact while analyzing the code-the words "Kissinger" and "Vaccination" both decipher to "666," the infamous "mark of the beast.”
     In a prophetically titled book, released three months before 9-11, Death in the Air: Globalism, Terrorism and Toxic Warfare (Tetrahedron Publishing Group; 1-888-508-4787), Dr. Horowitz explained that several of the largest multi-national corporations, and Anglo-American intelligence agencies (i.e., MI6 and U.S. Special Services) often use letters such as "S," as Hitler did with his "SS," to signify the number "6." The researcher determined this designation reflects an alphanumeric code where multiples of six are assigned to each letter in the English alphabet from A to Z (e.g., A=6, B=12, C=18, . . . S=114, . . .Z=156). When these numbers are added, the words "Kissinger" and            "Vaccination" both decipher to "666"-the biblical "mark of the beast."
     Many argue this association reflects mere chance, but Dr. Horowitz, who has been studying these codes and associations since 1998, and Kissinger's links to the vaccine industry since 1993, says serendipity cannot logically account for this shared infamous identity.
So there you go. If you have any doubt whatsoever that measles vaccine is not really there to fight a measles epidemic but instead to wipe the world clean of tiny toddlers so that Beelzebub can reign triumphant, all you have to do is attach various multiples of 6 to each letter of the alphabet. Go ahead and take the trouble to do it, then add them up and see for yourself that they all add up to 666, which is clear and incontrovertible proof that vaccines cause autism and that Satan entertains himself by dressing up like Henry Kissinger.

But let's be fair to the gullible dunderheads who insist on turning their own kids into a generation of ignoramuses by keeping their kids out of school if Devil Vaccine is raising its autistic horns. There was, once, an article in the respected British medical magazine, The Lancet, suggesting that MMR vaccine (a measles, mumps and rubella triple header) might be unsafe. Trouble is, that article was later retracted after  the author’s work was shown to be fraudulent. 

What about that retraction, and oodles of other studies that have concluded there just ain’t no connection between MMR vaccine and autism? Well, all you have to do is consult Dr. Horowitz, who will tell you that it's all part of a cabal among Satan, globalists, Big Pharma, and Big Chemistry.  Listen, I dislike Big Pharma and some aspects of Big Chemistry myself. But that that doesn't mean I'll suck up and swallow the crazy concoction of idiot pills dissolved in pseudo scientific treacle that Dr. Horowitz is cooking up in the lab of his distorted mind.

Did I mention that Doc Horowitz also  has a plan “to prompt world peace” by, uh….Well, there’s no way I can paraphrase this, so let me give it to you in the words of  part of a press release distributed on behalf of one of his books: 
The book, by award-winning humanitarian author, Dr. Leonard Horowitz, addresses Lennon’s persecution by American intelligence agencies opposed to world peace to sustain war commerce. The text proposes a plan to prompt peace on earth by retuning music to play in the frequency used by military technicians to tune sophisticated instruments, that is, 528Hz, used by Lennon to record the peace protest classic Imagine, among the most popular recordings of all time. Horowitz’s peace plan is simple–tune Western music to the “frequency of LOVE/528Hz, used by an increasing number of recording artists, including famous ones like Paul McCartney, that resonates “the energy of love, peace, and health” versus the current imposed “standard tuning” that research indicates generates “fear, stress, and disease.” The “sound of the sun,” for example, and the color of chlorophyll–528Hz and 528nm, respectively–  fills the air with electron-rich energized oxygen. The O2 vibrates at the rate measured at the heart of rainbows, fundamental to organic chemistry and restoring balance, health, and harmony to dissonant systems lacking electron energy, according to Horowitz’s hypothesis being acclaimed as valid by international reviewers. “The Western medical paradigm is terminally ill,” says author Horowitz, “and it’s time for a ‘miracle’ to takes its place.” That miracle happens to be the “MI” frequency of the ancient Solfeggio musical scale–528Hz frequency, he argues.
“The planet has been poisoned by spiritually-deprived psychopaths lusting for power, profits, and the most effective methods to covertly control populations through petrochemical-pharmaceutical intoxications, and distressing musical vibrations, endangering everything,” he asserts.
Right, ya gotta love that pseudo-science. Hey, if the whacko right can believe that Moses drank out of the same well as his pet brontosaurus, why can’t I believe that kids are dying around the world because your guitar is out of tune, which gives Satan the opportunity to instruct Henry Kissinger on how to give your kids a vaccination. 

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Parse this, liberal scum!

Sarah Palin graffiti in Paris, a few year ago. The graffiti looked crazy then. Sarah sounds crazy today.

I know, I know, I'm late with this. Others have already commented, but Sarah Palin gave a speech in Iowa the other day that made her sound as if she had been stuffing magic mushrooms up her nostrils while simultaneously trying to inhale some mysterious white powder through her eyeballs.

My favorite sample of Sarah's wit and wisdom, in which she referred to the fact that a lot of other crazy Republicans keep telling us that they want to be president, was this:
“It is good that we have a deep bench and its primary competition that will surface the candidate who’s up to the task and unify and this person has to because knowing what the media will do throughout all of 2016 to all of us it’s going to take more than a village to beat Hillary.”
Right, Sarah.  It's going to take armies of men with butterfly nets scooping up and carrying away anybody who can think clearly, understand logic, and speak a coherent sentence.

 And to think the Republicans wanted you for vice president. Sometimes I think our elections are blessed.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Pssst! What's gonna happen in the hush-hush meeting between Mitt and Jeb?

The New York Times reports this morning that Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush are on the verge of, as they  used to say in Hollywood, taking a meeting. I wonder what that could be about? My imagination runs wild.

• In one scenario, Mitt and Jeb decide one will run for President and the other for Vice President, but then beat each other to death with their bare fists in an argument over whose banana will be top banana. Chris Christie delivers eulogies at the funerals of both, but inexplicably gains so much weight and girth despite his lap band surgery that he becomes unelectable, leaving the nomination to a runoff between Rick Perry and opportunity-seizing Joni Ernst.

• In another, Mitt and Jeb iron out the vice president issue and decide they'll play good cop/bad cop, with one of them acknowledging citizens' concerns over wages and global warming and the other denying the same and declaring that the only way to save the economy and the planet is to put all unemployed Americans to work laying Keystone XL oil pipe for less than minimum wages.  The idea is, whatever you're for or against, you can find somebody on the ticket who'll make you want to vote Republican.

• In yet another, the purpose of the meeting turns out to be that Bush merely wants to rent some of Mitt's residential garage space when Jeb goes on fund-raising visits to Malibu. In exchange for parking in Mitt's elevator-accessed garage, Jeb offers Mitt a percentage of the fund raising proceeds.

• Or perhaps it's just this: both admit at the meeting that neither of them can beat Hillary, but instead plan a post-election joint career for themselves on FoxTV – an hour of weekly wit and wisdom called The Mitt and Jeb Show. Their long-term aim: to turn the TV talk show into a Broadway musical with songs that have titles like: "If it's getting so hot, how come everybody tells me I'm cold?" And "My solution to pollution is a coal mine in Wyoming." Plus the big, bring-down-the-curtain romantic song at the end of the first act: "I'm 47 percent in love with you."

Stay tuned.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Swiss gnomes blow a hole through their own economy’s head, creating a bloody object lesson that American conservatives will almost certainly ignore

Conservative economic theorist
at work
“A strong dollar is one of our greatest weapons against inflation. Anyone who doubts the value of a strong currency should look at the postwar performances of Japan, Switzerland and West Germany.”
-Ronald Reagan, economics genius of 
sainted memory, March 2, 1984

There’s got to be a secret Holy Place somewhere. You know, deep underground, in a steel vault, a shrine where the cult worshippers of Ayn Rand and Ronald Reagan go to wave their hands above their heads and speak in tongues.

I’m almost certain that, mingling in the crowed of worshippers with Tea Party congressmen and conservative presidential candidates, there is a clutch of grim-faced Swiss gnomes who fall into trances during which they see heavenly visions of gold bars and tight money.

Intoxicating vapors

This week, no doubt high on the fumes given off by a moldering copy of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, the Swiss set the Swiss Franc  free from its limits in relation to the weakening Euro.  Why?

Chris Bailey’s Tumblr suggests, “ What they are worrying about in reality is that as the European authorities appear to have little option but to push the euro down further. Do the Swiss really want to follow the euro down and down and down progressively cutting their international purchasing power? Not at all.”

That’s the reasoning. It was about as strategic and insightful as your run-of-the-mill winner of the Darwin Awards, given to “individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives.” They do this through their "astoundingly stupid judgment."

Who qualifies for
a Darwin Award?

One example of a potential Darwin Award winner might be this guy, who blew his own brains out while while trying to demonstrate gun safety to his girlfriend by putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger. 

If they ever create a Darwin Award for the suicidal economic consequences of a financial decision, I would plead with the nominating committee to move the Swiss to the head of the list. The fallout from their economic decision came as quickly as a bullet out of the muzzle of a Mauser.
LONDON (Reuters) - Frantic foreign exchange trading after the Swiss National Bank scrapped its euro cap on the franc took $100 billion(65.52 billion pounds) off the value of Switzerland's blue-chips on Thursday, putting them on track for their biggest one-day fall in at least 25 years. 
The Swiss SMI index (.SSMI) slumped 10 percent, with stocks including Swatch (UHR.VX), luxury-goods firm Richemont (CFR.VX) and cement-maker Holcim (HOLN.VX) down between 11 and 15 percent in what some traders described as "carnage" 
Swatch Chief Executive Nick Hayek called the SNB's decision "a tsunami" for Switzerland's economy.
Hey, to paraphrase the late Senator Everett Dirksen, lose a hundred billion bucks here and another hundred billion bucks there and pretty soon you’re talking real money.

So now the much richer Swiss can afford anything they want from abroad with the savings they have in the bank, but it’ll be harder and harder to earn a dime's worth of Francs, as the price of their goods soar out of control on international markets. Which is actually going to make them a lot poorer.

Uh, Tea Party folks?