On the basis of this chicken’s intestines, I can confidently predict that
the presidential election's outcome is unpredictable
I piddled away a precious hour of my Sunday morning, toggling between Meet the Press and Face the Nation. They confirmed to me what forays into CNN and other news networks have been revealing all week.
Specifically, this nation is wasting it’s time listening to learned (and often breathless) prognostications of election outcomes that essentially boil down to “if it goes this way, but doesn’t go that way, it could be Biden over Trump, unless it’s Trump over Biden.”
An ominous lesson
From the ancients
All this panting news network sturm und drang brings to mind classical civilizations that habitually presented pigeon entrails to oracles. The oracles would then divine from the intestines and the liver and the rest of the bird’s innards where the future was going.
How did that work out for ancient Athens? Or ancient Rome?
My advice to you is to skip the TV and Internet oracles — with maps of red and blue states replacing gullets, gizzards and livers — and get out there and vote if you haven’t already done so. Otherwise, if I don’t post here again until some time after Election Day, you may find yourself reading this over a large plate of very bitter crow.
And speaking of plates...
Urgent memo to the
Department of the Interior
For the moment, let us make two wild assumptions. First, that Biden wins, big, loud and clear. And second, that Trump, seeing the handwriting on the wall, decides to vacate the White House relatively peaceably.
I herewith urge the U.S. Department of the Interior, or whoever is responsible for the furnishings and equipment in the White House, to count the spoons before Trump gets too far out of town. Ditto the dinner service and the linens. These are people who never go any place without filling their pockets.
Or in this case, maybe even filling a few spare moving vans.
Is the Resolute Desk nailed down?
1 comment:
I have wondered about that. After all, the presndent did issue an executive order that if you've been treated badly you're allowed to appropriate any and and all items as parting gifts. But I'm getting ahead of myself. It's 9:28 AM CST and many people are urging the presnident to call the election by noon.
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