Amazon goes all Chinese on me, Trojans are not protected against COVID, and is Donald Trump getting ready to short the White House sheets?

 The well-oiled tech machine that is Amazon appears to have developed a glitch, a glitch, a glitch, a glitch.

On Tuesday of this week they sent me an e-mail bearing the header, “Please disregard our earlier e-mail.” The body of the e-mail helpfully told me the following:

Earlier, we mistakenly sent you an email with the subject line "诚邀您参与亚马逊广告问卷调研". You do not need to take any action, and we apologize for any confusion. 

Thank you, 
Amazon Advertising  

Wait, what? They sent me an e-mail in Chinese that I somehow missed? And now they expect me to “disregard” a message in foreign pictographs? As in, “pay no attention to the naked lady behind the gauze curtain who may be writing you a luridly amorous invitation?”

 

Hell no! 

 

So of course I ran the e-mail through Google Translate, which informed me that the translation of the Chinese is:

 

“We sincerely invite you to participate in the Amazon Advertising Survey.”

 

That’s it?  Just an advertising survey? All that for a stinking survey? Sincerely? And on top of that, after shipping goods to me for years, they think The New York Crank is in China!?!?! Well, I have this to say about that, Amazon. (Warning, NSFW) 
去他妈的你自己 (That’s pronounced Cāo ni ziji.)

 

A hard time in Trojanland. Sixty-five years ago when I was in high school and birth control devices were still illegal in some states, every Trojan condom had a legal escape clause stamped on it that said, “Sold only for the prevention of venereal disease.” We all knew this because there was always some kid, at least in Brooklyn where I grew up, who got a job in a drug store and stole condoms for the rest of us, (I’m looking at you Paul) since we teens were too embarrassed to buy them ourselves. 

 

Well these days you can use Trojans for whatever comes to mind, from preventing venereal disease, to preventing pregnancy, to inflating them and taping them to the ceiling for really stupid party decorations. All the same, Trojans have fallen on hard times. Blame Covid-19.

 

Back in October, Bloomberg news reported that condom sales were sinking faster than a lead canoe — six percent for the quarter ended September 30^th, following a thirteen percent decline in the previous period. Bloomberg explained:

Chief Executive Officer Matthew Farrell was blunt in describing the sales burden, attributing it to “a lot less sex.” And for those consumers stuck at home with a partner, a baby boom could be ahead: Church & Dwight also reported surging sales of its First Response pregnancy kits.

 So there’s a couple of reasons more to loathe Donald Trump. By letting COVID-19 run rampant, he ruined your sex life. Unless he got you pregnant.

 

And speaking of Donald Trump…. The Sabotage and Sink America apparatus that is the Trump administration appears to have adapted the attitude, “We don’t care about no stinking election. So go shove it." 

 

Currently, one of the key “go shove it” people is somebody named Emily W. Murphy, administrator for the General Services Administration. They’re the ones you have to see if you’re the president elect and your transition team needs office space and other facilities so you can hit the ground running on inauguration day.  

This is important, because America’s enemies may not wait a decent interval before firing off a nuke, or capturing an American ship, or invading the Ukraine. You need intelligence officials, and cabinet officials in the Pentagon, the State Department and other government agencies who will be in place to confront challenges from the get-go. Joe Biden has a transition team working on that, but according to the New York Times, Ms. Murphy is a one-woman road block.

The transition officials said her inaction was preventing Mr. Biden’s teams from moving into government offices, including secure facilities where they can discuss classified information. The teams cannot meet with their counterparts in agencies or begin background checks of top cabinet nominees that require top-secret access.

Hey, in my opinion, you’re a great American, Emily W. Murphy, right up there with Benedict Arnold. But I suspect Ms. Murphy’s despicable behavior is just another manifestation of Donald Trump’s rage-revenge poop fest. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he’s planning to short the sheets in the Presidential bedroom before they drag him out of the building.

 

Note to Joe Biden: Don’t bother checking for shorted sheets. Don't even think of sleeping in that bed. Park a big dumpster at the White House rear portico, carry out anything Trump hasn’t already stolen, and junk it. That includes the bed in the presidential bedroom, on which, given reports relating to other Trump incidents, he may have deliberately and spitefully taken a pee. Fumigate the building. Wipe down everything with Lysol. Then move in.

And now this for the Trump people assigned, however futilely, to short the presidential sheets. Given your administration's general incompetence, you probably need this to follow your orange boss's instructions: