Sunday, January 21, 2007

Professional criminals join The New York Crank as One-Time-Only guest columnists

So here’s the deal: Ordinarily I don’t lend my space to underworld figures, but I’m making an exception in this case.

The reason? I can’t believe that after all the publicity it's been receiving, the old “I want to send you $10 million for nothing” scam is still working.

However, I also understand the ancient rule of honest direct mail advertisers that seems to have been so eagerly adopted by Internet con artists: “If it’s pulling, keep running it. If it’s not pulling, stop wasting your time and try a different letter.”

I must therefore conclude that somewhere out there, as you read this, some sucker is responding to one of the two messages below, oblivious to the likelihood that if the sender can’t spell, has trouble with English grammar, uses a hotmail address, and asks you to reply at a different free e-mail address, he or she is most probably NOT a notable English barrister at a distinguished law firm.

Nor for that matter would a poor woman dying of cancer want to give away a fortune to a complete stranger for donation to charity, when she could do that herself. She claims that she was “brought up from a motherless baby’s home,” whatever that means. My own opinion involves a somewhat different application of the word mother.

At any rate, enjoy the literary efforts of thieves, below:
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 5:16 AM
Dear Friend,

I am Barrister John Abbo (LLB), principal partner of Abbo Chambers, London, United Kingdom.l am the personal attorney to Engr. Ross Shekel , an expatriate with Uk oil Development Company, United Kingdom who died in an auto crash along South Norwood Highway, London on the 21st of April 2003. He deposited the sum of Ten Million Six Hundred Thousand United State Dollars in his fixed deposit account with a bank, here in London. All efforts to reach his relatives have proved abortive after his death, following the notification from his bank to present his beneficiary or his account will be declared dormant and unclaimed based on their policy. This mandate compels me to present any of the family's relatives of my late client to his bank.

Since the decease is from your country and also bears same surname with you, l have contacted you to assist in the claim/transfer of this money to you. I will prepare every necessary documentation as proof , furnish you with adequate information about my late client that will back you up in this claim and l shall provide all legal services to warrant the release of this money to you within 10 working days after l must have filed in for claim in your favour.

l am highly delighted and willing to work with you in this matter and will appreciate if you will acknowledge your interest by forwarding your full names, home address telephone and fax numbers to enable me apply to his bank for commencement. A copy of my application letter will be sent to you for your view, update and documentation.You shall be entitled to 35% of the Ten Million Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars while 5% will be used for any expenditure incurred by you and l.

Please if you are interested to assist, reply me in my private e-mail address below

I look forward to your prompt reply.

Yours sincerely,
Barr. John Abbo
Abbo Chambers

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Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 8:02 PM

Dear Friend,

Greetings to you in the most wonderful name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. His richest blessings shall be upon you forever.

I am Mrs. Pearl Vat Cole, I am 51 years old, I am a widow to late David Cole and suffering from a long time cancer of the Lungs which also affected my brain, fromall indication my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite obvious that, according to my doctors they have advised me that I may not live for the next five months, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage.

I was brought up from a motherless baby’s home; I married to my late husband for twenty years without a child. My husband died in a fatal motor accident. Before his death we were true Christians.
Since his death I decided not to remarry, I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of $18.5million dollars with a Security Company in Europ.

Presently, this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the true owner to come forward to receive the money for keeping it so long or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over because of my illness or they get it confisticated.Presently, I'm with mylaptop in a Hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for cancer of the Lungs. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live.

It is my last wish to see that this money is invested to any Organization of your choice and distributed each year among the charity Organization, the poor and the motherless babies home where I come from.

I want you to be a God fearing, and also use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows. You shall be entitled to 40% of the total sum of $18.5million dollars with a Security Company while 60% of this money will be used in all sincerity to fund philanthropic
organization and orphanages.

I took this decision, before I rest in peace because my time will soon be up. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security Company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as thenew beneficiary of my fund.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. I shall wait at your prayerful reply.

May the grace of our Lord Jesus the love of god and the fellowship of the holy spirit be with you and your family.

I await urgent reply. You get back to me on my alternative email

Thanking you in the name of Jesus.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Pearl Vat Cole,

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1 comment:

New York Crank said...

The Crank received the following e-mail from Bob Berger of Queens, NY:

"Last week I was in my weekly Leadership Institute class and it ended several hours early and my driver was not in Manhattan so I decide to take the subway back to my office in Middle Village.

"Lucky me, on my train was this poor couple who told us that they were not homeless and they were not hungry. Their daughter had died last week and the government only gave them $250 for the burial and they can’t afford to bury their dead daughter. The idiots on the train were all donating money.

"Unfortunately I remembered this husband and wife con team from when I was taking the subway to work. They have been trying to get money to bury this daughter for the past 4 years. I would think the corpse should have been done away with by now!"