Friday, June 09, 2006

Reply from Snapple "Pending"

Okay. I've had it with Snapple. I wrote to these guys over a year ago, complaining about a bogus "contest" they announced on a bottle of their product. I never heard a word back.

You guys at Snapple don't play nice. A consumer writes you a justifiably irate letter and you obviously consign it to the same trash basket that contains the bones of the little kittens you've been munching on during your coffee break.

Okay guys, now I'm telling the whole world what I wrote to you:

"Dear Snapple,

"About an hour ago I bought a Diet Rasperry Snapple to go with my lunch. I expected to find a silly factoid under the lid like, "Penguins are the only birds that can't fly."

"Instead I found a message that said: "You've Won A Favor! Have a Snapple On Us. (coupon for 2 free 18 oz. Snapple.)"

"Boy, did I get excited! That is, I was excited until I looked into redeeming the coupon for 2 bottles that you offered me on your own volition.

"I called the 800 number you provided and got lost in Pushbotton Hell for a while. Finally, I reached some confusing information that I had to re-play two or three times to get it all down. If I understand correctly, I have to photocopy the inside of the bottle cap (nice trick if you can do it) and send it and some information about me (printed on a 3X5 card) registered mail to collect a coupon for two 16-oz bottles of Snapple. Oh, and you want it all sent in a padded envelope.

"If I do all that, I would have to spend about $8 for a package of padded envelopes, a package of 3X5 cards and postage (not counting the value of my time spent in post office lines.) The result would be a net loss of roughly six bucks, also not counting time in Post Office lines.

"I have to conclude from the rapidity at which the rules and the address to which you want everything sent were read off by your telephone recording; the complex language of the rules on your website to which I went as an alternative to the fast phone recording; and the expense of redeeming a couple of cheesy bottles of Snapple; that either

"A) that you really don't want people to collect their prizes and this whole contest is a sham and a consumer fraud or

"B) That somebody in your marketing department is a total moron or

"C) Both of the above

"Which is it? I'd appreciate hearing from you ASAP. I might like to write about your contest for a publication I know."

As i was saying, I wrote to them more than a year ago. I'm still waiting for a reply.

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