American Citizens Decapitated at Ohio Fair by Saudi Hit Squad. “Can’t Sanction Saudis, Their Business is Too Valuable,” Says Trump.

A 1607-lb. pumpkin, winner of the Biggest Pumpkin award

at the 2018 Circleville (Ohio) Pumpkin Show

CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO: Declaring that pumpkins and jack o’lanterns are forms of sorcery, witchcraft, and blasphemy, all of which are punishable by death in Saudi Arabia, a ruthless hit squad descended on the Circleville Pumpkin Show in Circleville, Ohio, last month and randomly decapitated at least 17 men, women and children in front of a terrified and screaming crowd. 

The exact number of dead is unknown, and the incident was hushed up at the time. Federal authorities moved in on orders of President Trump, confiscated police records, and declared all information about the event to be top secret, according to several sources, who spoke anonymously. 

However, rumors of the slaughter leaked out despite strenuous efforts to hide them. One woman, who spoke on conditions of anonymity, because she fears Federal agents will hand her over to the Saudis if her identity is known, said that between each decapitation, the Saudis lectured the crowd on the evils of jack o'lanterns. 

The literally captive audience was told that pumpkins in any form have no utility except as infidel symbols, and that celebrating a pumpkin crop, as the citizens of Circleville have done for decades, is not only sorcery and witchcraft, but also blasphemy. 

Asked if The United States would sanction the Saudis for this latest act, President Trump replied, “We’ll see.” 

Trump added, “You have to remember that we have billions of dollars of military contracts with the Saudis, and that means jobs, jobs, jobs. 

“What’s more important, the American economy, or a few dozen heads?” the President asked. “I know one of the victims was a beauty contestant in the Miss Pumpkin Show contest, but let’s be honest. She wasn’t a ten anyway. If you want to know the truth she was barely an eight. I’ve thrown better looking than that out of my own bed. And I know women. I’ve had all the best women.”

The headline and story above are, of course, completely fictional. 

At least they're completely fictional so far. 

But with Trump giving Prince Mohammed Bin Salman a pass on sanctions for the murder of Jamal Kashoggi, it’s only a matter of time before something like the murder of American citizens, on American soil, by Saudi agents becomes an unpunished matter of fact.

After all, why not? The President has already stated the principle behind his refusal to sanction the prince or the Saudis — that American depends on Saudi oil and largess —  despite more than ample evidence to the contrary.

Of course, this is not true of every nation. Even little Denmark has effectively told MBS that murder is unacceptable. They’re not afraid of the oil prices that Trump pretends to be worried about. 

Ultimately, one has to wonder if what worries Trump about sanctions is not the cost to the United States economy, but the cost to the Trump family economy. CBS Money Watch reports:

The president's links to Saudi billionaires and princes go back years and appear to have only deepened.

In 1991, as Mr. Trump was teetering on personal bankruptcy and scrambling to raise cash, he sold his 282-foot yacht "Princess" to Saudi billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin-Talal for $20 million, a third less than what he reportedly paid for it.

Four years later, the prince came to his rescue again, joining other investors in a $325 million deal for Mr. Trump's money-losing Plaza Hotel.

In 2001, Mr. Trump sold the entire 45th floor of the Trump World Tower across from the U.N. in New York for $12 million, the biggest purchase in that building to that point, according to the brokerage site Streeteasy. The buyer: The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

Shortly after he announced his run for president, Mr. Trump began laying the groundwork for possible new business in the kingdom. He registered eight companies with names tied to the country, such as "THC Jeddah Hotel Advisor LLC" and "DT Jeddah Technical Services," according to a 2016 financial disclosure report to the federal government. Jeddah is a major city in the country.

"Saudi Arabia, I get along with all of them. They buy apartments from me. They spend $40 million, $50 million," Trump told a crowd at an Alabama rally on Aug. 21, 2015, the same day he created four of the entities. "Am I supposed to dislike them? I like them very much."

Is it simply greed? Or is Trump in to the Saudis so deep that he's subject to blackmail by them — a terrified puppet on a Saudi string?

Let us hope more about this comes out when the product of Mr. Mueller’s investigation is finally revealed.