Monday, September 16, 2013

How to tell if you are a New York cop

Just take this simple 3-question quiz:

1. The photograph below shows clearly and self-evidently:
A. A loaded pistol
B.  A hand with a cocked thumb and pointed finger

2. On a crowded New York City street, when you are in pursuit of a perpetrator who may be guilty of something or other, the proper thing to do is:
A. Block off the streets and wait for backup
B. Start firing your weapon wildly at the guy, even if you hit a bunch of innocent passers-by in the street
C. Let the guy go, or follow him to a location where, if necessary, you can fire your weapon without hitting nine innocent people

3. You heard from a guy, who heard from some other guy, that somebody or other threatened to pull a gun on somebody else in a nightclub. So when a bunch of people get out of that nightclub and head for an SUV, the appropriate police technique should be to
A. Intercept the people and question them before they get into a vehicle.
B. Wait until they get into their SUV, then pump 50 bullets into the vehicle, killing or injuring its occupants, including innocent passengers (not to mention the innocent driver).
C. Go into the nightclub and ask the manager there for a bribe not to shut the place down.

Correct answers:
1 (A) 2 (B) 3(B)

If you correctly answered even one question correctly, you already are, or have the makings of a New York Cop. If you answered two question correctly, you are a police genius. If you answered three questions correctly your attitude marks you as having makings of a police commissioner or billionaire mayor.

Civilian Solution: Since cops think pointed fingers with cocked thumbs are dangerous weapons, and legitimate reasons to kill anyone who points a finger that way are you, as well as hapless people on the street, take firearms away from police. Instead, when confronting dangerous or presumed dangerous suspects, police should be instructed to point their fingers at the suspect and yell in a very loud voice, "Bang Bang!" Repeat until suspect either surrenders or falls down dead.

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