Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Speech coach arrives from Mars to coach Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin

New York:- His flying saucer put down at JFK International Airport at three o’clock in the morning when there were few people around to witness his arrival.

Within moments, Nictu Platu, the famed and often mysterious speech coach from Mars, had boarded a helicopter and was secretly whisked off to New Hampshire to help coach Republican presidential primary candidate Michele Bachmann with her interview appearances on television and before the public.

“Michelle needs help,” Platu explained briefly to a bleary-eyed press pool reporter who had been awakened from a gin stupor by a phone call from his editor and told to go interview the visiting Martian. Platu is said to work only for way-far-right Republicans and a few disturbed Libertarians.

“What kind of help?” the reporter asked.

“Well, she confused the press, which thinks she mixed up John Wayne, the movie actor, with John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer,” said Platu. “This was in Waterloo, Iowa, which she said was the birthplace of John Wayne. Actually, it was John Wayne Gacy’s birthplace.”

“Right, said the reporter.”

“Well, the truth is, she was thinking about John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer,” said Platu. “It’s just that the press refused to accept Michele’s word at the time and forced her to change her story.

"The truth is, she admires serial killers. That’s why she was for the pointless war in Iraq. That’s why you’ve never heard her complain in a right-to-life speech about the rights to life of an abortion doctors who was gunned down in church. Also, she loves TV serials and cowboy movies, which is how she learned about life in the first place. Not to mention history.”

“You mean the Paul Revere’s ride thing?” the reporter asked.

“Nah, now you’re talking about Sarah Palin, a different one of my students,” said Platu.

“Why do you only take Republican candidates?” the reporter asked.

“On Mars we have a saying. Only a dull knife needs a honing,” Platu said mysteriously.

And with that, he shut the helicopter door and took off for New Hampshire.

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