1. I’m grateful that starting Inauguration Day the turkeys will be where they belong. That’s on the farm, or on the dinner table, but at long last not in the White House.
No, I don’t think Obama’s perfect. But at least he’s evidently smart, studious and careful — and apparently awake, alert and intellectually curious. Look at America's economy, military situation, diplomatic situation and reputation in the world. Then imagine how it would be if we had four more years of Bush, or McCain, or Sarah Palin.
2. I’m grateful that moose chili tastes probably as bad as five-day-old turkey chili.
I never tasted moose chili. So how do I know it's awful? Did you ever have an urge to take a really fine sirloin or T-bone steak and make chili out of it? I didn’t think so. The fact that Sarah Palin can’t think of anything better to make out of a dead moose than chili — even when the TV news cameras are there to watch her do it — probably means that if you’re in your right mind you probably don’t want to eat moose. And that bodes well for the moose population of Alaska. Except, of course, for the occasional moose who crosses Palin's path.
3. I’m grateful that cloying and thinly-disguised Palin for President in 2012 ads are already running on TV.
I mean, we all know this doofus thinks she knows enough about diplomacy, economics and law to be President tomorrow morning. By repeatedly shoving herself and her fawning supporters down our throats, she’s inadvertently assuring us she’ll be old news (and very boring or laughable old news) in 2012.
4. I’m grateful that the Big Three automakers are run by morons.
By showing up in Washington via their private corporate jets to beg for money, and then by offering Congress no plan beyond “gimme lotsa dough,” the Dingbat Three have given the next President grounds to seize temporary control of the companies via their stock when he bails them out. Then he can force them to produce the kind of low-or-no-carbon, fuel-efficient cars America (and the world) really needs. If that happens, who knows? There might even be a world market for Made In America automobiles again. Will Obama do it? I dunno. But Americans can hope, can’t we?
5. Ditto the banks.
I hope, I pray, that the Obama administration will forcefully remind America’s bankers what bankers are supposed to do. It's what they used to do before the free market imbeciles took over and broke America’s economy worse than Al Qaeda ever dreamed possible.
6. I’m grateful that our next president is not about to shove religion down our throats.
Freedom of religion also means freedom from religion — the right to decide how, when and even whether you pray, and what you believe about whomever or whatever you are praying to. Contrary to what the religious right would have you believe, this nation was not founded as a Christian nation. Nothing against Christianity, you understand, but consider:
• Tom Paine, who wrote the pamphlets “Common Sense” and “The Age of Reason” that helped precipitate the revolution was not a Christian, but a Deist. Ditto Thomas Jefferson, and probably Ben Franklin. Ditto George Washington (who was also a Mason and who refused communion), John Adams, and probably James Madison.
• Haym Salomon, a Jew, was largely responsible for raising the money that armed and fed George Washington’s soldiers. Isaac Franks, another Jew, was Washington’s aide de camp.
•Most Philadelphians at the time of the American Revolution were Quakers, whose belief in “divine guidance” was as likely to come directly from an inner conscience as from the Bible.
7. I am equally grateful that our soon-to-be President realizes that patriotism can be summed up not by what we wear on our lapels, but what we do for our nation. Just for openers, if you are unwilling to pay your fair share of taxes, you are not a patriot. You are a pretender.
Happy Thanksgiving. And may you enjoy many more in a nation that was founded on freedom and truth, not on hypocrisy, bullying, flag pins or any particular religion.