Uh oh! If you blow the whistle on sleazy Republican sinners, here’s where you might end up:

So, uh, in case you’ve been napping for very long time, there was yet another hooker scandal in Washington, this time involving a madame named Deborah Jean Palfrey.

Once again, it involved political bigwigs. Republicans, in this case. There was the threat that a lot of Republican officials would get exposed. (Let the puns fall where they may.)

Johns? What johns?

But surprise, very few of the involved Republican vice customers got outed. (Democrats seem to patronize a different classs of hookers. Viz former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.)

One of the few unfortunate johns whose name did see the light of day would be Republican U.S. Senator David Vitter, who “apologized” for committing “a very serious sin.” Another potential “witness” in the trial was Harlan Ullman, the military "genius" who invented shock and awe as the cool thing to do in Iraq.

Oh yes, still another would be one of Condi Rice’s boys, a dude with the title Deputy Secretary of State. However, Deputy Secretary Randall Tobias hastily, umm, “resigned” last April.

It was starting to appear as if we'd really have a show once the rock finished getting turned over. Who knew what else would crawl out? But somehow, a huge trove of details concerning Palfrey’s business and clients never surfaced during the trial. Or after it.

Hey folks, this was an operation that had been doing business in D.C. for 13 years and had “at least” 132 women working for it. And we're asked to believe that only three Republicans in government used them? Who were the rest of the johns? Door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesmen?

Oh my gracious! There's no one left
to write a tell-all book!

Vitter was facing up to 55 years in prison just for helping Republicans get laid. With all that time on her hands, she could have written one hell of a best-selling book from her cell.

But suddenly — poof! She committed suicide. And at almost exactly the same time, the trial judge sealed records identifying the women who worked for Vitter and didn’t testify. Of course, what they might have testified to is with whom they did what, when and where they did it, and in which position. Alas, now we’ll never know.

But wait! There’s more!

It turns out that a University of Maryland professor was “employed” by Vitter. Tch tch! You know, those professors are notorious for their publish-or-perish attitude. And if they testify in court, they can be so damningly articulate.

Except, the professor, Brandy Britton, also “committed suicide” before her trial could begin.

Coincidence? Well, if you say so. But it’s starting to feel a tad creepy to me.