Lindsey Graham and the kindness of strangers

                    A gentleman helps Miss Lindsey with her robe

 It’s not hard to get on a Republican mailing list. All you have to do is answer one of those phony surveys that pop up on Facebook and other social media. You know the kind I mean. They lure you in with headlines like, “Tell the Democrats what you really think.” Then they ask questions like “Should the Democrats support a tool of diabolical conspiracies and Satanic forces like Joe Biden, or is Donald Trump the savior of America?” 

I often answer them just to see what will happen. And that’s how some time during the summer I started getting e-mails from Lindsey Graham. Most of the time I got an e-mail every day. Sometimes, two or three times a day, if you count messages from Lindsey’s campaign, Donald Trump, and other supporters who wanted me to contribute to Lindsey. In all I've received forty-one desperate letters from Lindsey and his, um — well, call it a support group —since early September.

 

O, the awful injustice

poor Lindsey must suffer!

At first I zapped Graham's e-mails. They were all, each and every cloying one, nothing but craven pleas for money, designed to loosen my wallet by horrifying me — horrifying me!  — with news of the awful injustices that poor Lindsey must suffer.

 

The gist of most of them was that Lindsey Graham is beset by “Democrat” ruffians. 

Miss Lindsey whined about the horrible mistreatment she was suffering at their hands— mainly consisting of Democrats doing a better job than the Graham campaign in raising campaign funds. Then she fell back on her fainting couch, called for the smelling salts, and reminded me to click on a donate button because she evidently has always relied on the kindness of strangers. Quick — somebody give that senator some pearls to clutch!

 

I can’t quote all off Graham's e-mails at length here. It would be like attending a sixteen hours-long play without an intermission, during which Chekhov attempts to do Tennessee Williams impressions. But here, for your delectation, are a few samples, starting with what that hussy, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez actually had the brazen nerve to say:  

 

Sept. 25^th:

 

Crank , 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez called me "spineless" to her millions of follows on social media. 

Why? I intend to do my part as Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee to fill the open seat on the Supreme Court. 

Crank, my opponent is already raising money hand over fist, but with an endorsement from the leader of the Squad, more liberal dollars are now flooding into South Carolina. 

 

Will you help us beat back the incursion of far-Left money?

By the way, if you give Graham so much as a nickel, and fill out a form that includes your phone number, “you are consenting to receive calls and texts, including autodialed and automated calls and texts, to that number from Team Graham.” I just thought you might want to know in advance why all those dinnertime phone calls will be besieging you.

Hardly had I recovered from the shock of AOC and the Yankee Democrat “incursion” than I received this scarifying news: 

Crank , 

Failed Democrat presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, wants Jaime Harrison to win in South Carolina. 

She knows that he'll be a reliable supporter of her far-Left policies. That's why she's encouraging her donors to give to Harrison and help "flip the Senate." 

She's hoping that Democrat candidates like Jaime Harrison will win in November, work with her to add new seats to the Supreme Court, and fill them with liberal judges. 

 

Will you please chip in $10 or more to help counteract the money Elizabeth Warren raised for Jaime Harrison….?

-Team Graham 

 

No I won’t, Miss Lindsey, because I want you to be a failed Republican senatorial candidate. You’ve already failed as a human being. And for the love of heaven, stop whining!

 

On Oct. 1, Lindsey wrote to tell me about the terrible — simply terrible, terrible, terrible — thing the Democrats did with an airplane. So uncouth: 

This is the same liberal Super PAC that flew a plane up and down the South Carolina coast on Labor Day towing a banner attacking Senator Graham. 

O, the horror!

The "Lindsey Must Go" PAC pledged to raise millions, and they're adding their own negative attack spending to the millions being spent by our liberal opponent Jaime Harrison. 

We know there's no one the radical Left hates more than Lindsey Graham. That's how his opponent is raising millions in DAYS. 

 

Your contribution of …..

 Oh, you know the rest.

On October 7, Miss Lindsey wrote to tell me about the uncouth mobs:

Crank , 

Senator Tillis and I will play crucial roles in confirming President Trump's highly qualified Supreme Court nominee, Judge Amy Coney Barrett. 

That's why protesters mobbed both of our houses and shouted at us to try and intimidate us out of fulfilling our constitutional duty. 

Yes, that's what he wrote. They shouted at him and poor Tom Tillis. Actually shouted. 

But Senator Tillis and I don't surrender to mobs – we WILL fill this seat! 

Democrats are raising millions of dollars to go after Senator Tillis because his seat has been named the tipping point race that will decide our Senate majority. We must show them that this Senate seat is not for sale….

 

… Democrats are leading our country down a path of mob rule, and this election is our chance to put an end to it before it's too late. 

We cannot let the Democrats win this Senate seat – and claim a Senate majority – by inciting a radical left-wing mob and spending hundreds of millions of dollars. 

This November, I want to know that we did everything we could to prevent a catastrophic 2020 election outcome. That's why I'm asking for your urgent help. 

 

Please make a contribution to help keep North and South Carolina red and maintain our conservative Senate majority!

Thank you, 

Lindsey Graham 

No matter what the topic. Lindsey always asks for money. Ah well, I guess Miss Lindsey has taken the advice of Tennessee Williams to heart: “You can be young without money. But you can’t be old without it.”