Fake News! People are talking about nothing else. That's whatI've heard. On Sunday morning, Chuck Todd devoted his entire hour to Fake News: What it is. How it gets faked. Who's faking it. Why they fake it. Plus real commentary on fakery from Very Thoughtful People.
Today's Sunday Times devoted most of its Op-Ed articles to fake news despair. The words "Twitter" and "Cesspit" appeared in the headline and subheadline of the same op-ed piece. Ross Douthat's own headline was, "The Decade of Disillusionment." Ruchira Sharma told us "Economic Forecasters got the 2010s wrong." Only Nicholas Kristof sang out of key, claiming, "This Has Been The Best Year Ever." But hey, it's Kristof.
All of which led me to great feelings of shame for having tried not to lie, misinterpret, or fudge on this blog. At least not intentionally. I mean, at least most of the time. Clearly, I have to rectify that. So herewith, I give you some genuine FAKE NEWS headlines, ripped from...wherever.
Today's Sunday Times devoted most of its Op-Ed articles to fake news despair. The words "Twitter" and "Cesspit" appeared in the headline and subheadline of the same op-ed piece. Ross Douthat's own headline was, "The Decade of Disillusionment." Ruchira Sharma told us "Economic Forecasters got the 2010s wrong." Only Nicholas Kristof sang out of key, claiming, "This Has Been The Best Year Ever." But hey, it's Kristof.
All of which led me to great feelings of shame for having tried not to lie, misinterpret, or fudge on this blog. At least not intentionally. I mean, at least most of the time. Clearly, I have to rectify that. So herewith, I give you some genuine FAKE NEWS headlines, ripped from...wherever.
FIRST PHOTOS OF IVANKA’S
MARTIAN CHILDREN!
DNA Tests Reveal 3 Generations
of Martian Blood On Trump Side of
Family, Scientist Declares
Family, Scientist Declares
_________
DEVOS PROPOSES ELIMINATING
HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY CLASSES
TO TEACH "BIBLE LITERACY"
But Creation Science Would Still Provide
Firm Background for Students Interested
In the Life Sciences, Education Secretary Says
_________
TRUMP HEALTHCARE PLAN
WOULD REPEAL ACA AND REPLACE IT
WITH DRUG STORE VOUCHERS
They won't cover prescriptions, but Trump insists,
"You're gonna save so much on toothpaste and makeup,
you're not going to believe it. Believe me, you'll save."
_________
TRUMP AND KIM JONG-UN
ADMIT TO GAY RELATIONSHIP!
"What could I do," says Trump, when caught
holding hands with North Korean leader,
"He sent me such a beautiful love letter"
_________
TRUMP HELPS HIMSELF TO
$70 BILLION FROM US TREASURY
It's all for a good cause, he claims. Transferred funds
to his Swiss bank account "only temporary, for safekeeping"
_________
EXCLUSIVE: RUDY GIULIANI
CAUGHT TELLING THE TRUTH!
Blames "too many pinot noirs at dinner"
and insists he was "only kidding"
_________
3 comments:
You can't really be surprised about the last one, can you? 😉
Of course, if there's any snake-handling, tRUMP will run out with some excuse.
Out if fear, sure!
But it'll also be out of respect from him and his family for non-legged snakes.
Hmm, Victor you just gave me an idea.
What if we started spreading the word that Real Men Handle Snakes. And if you're really strong, you handle snakes. Lie a little and say "strong" people like Joe Stalin and Putin handled snakes. Invent a little chant for political rallies: "No snake, you must be fake."
Then send Trump a gift Cobra and a how-to book so he can practice.
Just a thought.
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
Sometimes cobras don't strike. What about an alligator? "Sir, we're testing them for your beautiful border moat. Which do you prefer?"
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