Thursday, August 11, 2016

Yeah, wink wink. You're right about Obama and Hillary, Donald. And YOU founded both Naziism and Stalinist Communism.

Back in my early Madmen Days, I had a boss who fell in love with a movie called How To Cheat On Your Wife. 

Maybe he learned everything he knows at the movies
The film was of little interest to me at the time because I was in my twenties, not married, and still a starry-eyed believer in eternal romantic love. 

But some of the married guys who made a habit of cheating loved it, took to seeing it over and over again before heading home to wife and hearth in Cos Cob, and joyously quoted parts of it over lunch hour martinis in an East 48th street ginmill called Rattazzi's.

Evidently one lesson was what to say when your wife came home and caught you in bed with another woman. According to the movie — I hope I've got the right movie — you looked your wife straight in the eye and, while your casual sex partner blushed with the sheets pulled up to her neck, you  said, "What woman? There's no other woman in here."

Evidently Donald Trump must have seen that movie, and taken to heart the lesson about what to do when you're caught red handed: deny the obvious truth, ignore the glaring evidence, and repeat the preposterous big lie

And so, the other day Donald Trump declared that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were co-founders of ISIS. When his acolytes tried to walk that statement back a bit, either saying that he was only joshing, or that he was simply being sarcastic, or that he was speaking in some sort of symbolism, Trump brushed them aside. 

No, he said, he meant it literally.

Okay, so in Trump World, or maybe in Republican World, up is down, red is black, the truth is a lie, and a lie is the truth. If it comes out of an angry brain cell, it's a fact. Period.

Great. I just asked my angry brain cells what's on my own mind, and they told me that Donald Trump is not really the son of Fred Trump. Fred was merely a surrogate. Donald Trump is the illegitimate child of Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun, or maybe its was Eva and Joe Stalin. Hard to tell, because they were having a three-way at the time in a Berlin bunker.

Furthermore, Donald Trump founded both Naziism and Communism. The time continuum there makes as much sense as accusing President Obama of founding ISIS, since Obama was only a local politician in Illinois when ISIS was founded.

Did I mention that Paul Manafort, Trump's campaign manager, was bred from the frozen sperm of Joseph Goebbels?  Of course, I'm only speaking metaphorically, which means sarcastically, which means it's the absolute truth.

Or to put it another way, you have to know it's all absolutely true, because I just made it up.

Pass the word.

1 comment:

Jerome Doolittle said...

I'll be so sad when Trump finally leaves us, either as a suicide or by murder. Hey, come on. I was just being sarcastic. I didn't mean real suicide, just political by quitting the race. And not real murder, either. Just being killed, not literally killed, I didn't say that, anybody could see I only meant losing 50 states and the District of Columbia on November 4 and If he wants to kill himself over that, it's on him, not me. I never told him to kill himself, I was only being sarcastic. I am the most sarcastic guy you will ever meet. I am the king of sarcasm.