Tuesday, November 09, 2010

A plan to fix the U.S. economy in 12 months or less

Back under the Bush Administration, Congress in 2006 passed legislation that lets the President declare whomever he wishes as “enemy combatants” and have them locked up.

I was always opposed to this idea. It’s a license to sweep off the streets you, me and anyone else the President of the United States doesn’t like — and then toss us into the pokey indefinitely. Even into an off-shore pokey, say in Guantanamo.

But wait! A thought occurred to me. There’s grounds to say that Senator Mitch McConnell, Congressman John Boehner, and various other Republicans and “Teabaggers” are sabotaging the American economy with their "policy of no” and demands for a balanced budget without serious tax increases. That’s a route that would sink America faster than a torpedo can sink a rowboat, and therefore a crime equivalent to terrorism against the American people.

If the Republicans and Teabaggers have it their way, they will bankrupt the American economy and send our nation tail-spinning into poverty and ruination.

So instead, let's use the law we have on the books — passed with enthusiastic Republican support, by the way — to sweep all the obstreperous sabotagers of the United States and our economy out of Congress and the Senate into prison. While the President is at it, declare as enemy combatants Justices Scalia, Thomas, Alito and Roberts for the same crimes, which the President evidently can define any way he wants.

Then break up the banks into little regional entities so that they’re no longer “too big to fail.” Arrest the Wall Street fat cats while we’re at it and send them to Guantanamo with McConnell And Boehner and Alito and Roberts. Oh, and the corpses of Ayn Rand and Milton Freedman.

With the assent of the House Democrats and a few complaint Republicans, raise taxes on the top incomes. Forget this 30-something or 40-something percent crap. For incomes over $600,000, get the top tax bracket up to 50 percent. For incomes of a million and over, create an 90 percent tax bracket.

Use the money to pay off the deficit, put a firm footing under Social Security and Medicare, rebuild the infrastructure, finance fledgling businesses that will enable us to build our own solar power plants and other energy sources instead of buying them from China, make higher education free for anyone who can pass tough entrance exams, and provide seed money for small start-up businesses.

We’ll fix the economy. Fix the educational system. Fix the infrastructure. Fix the banking system. And fix the deficit in the bargain.

When all that’s done, a new Supreme Court can declare unconstitutional the law that imprisoned all those right wing bad guys and we can let ‘em out of Guantnamo — assuming they’re still alive after all the waterboarding that we'll give ‘em to confess on TV the truth of their intent to undermine the United States .

What? You say people who are waterboarded don’t tell the truth — they just say whatever they think you want to hear so you’ll stop waterboarding them?

What? In contradiction of George Bush and his new autobiography, you think waterboarding is illegal and torture?

What, you say that sweeping obstreperous legislators (or any other American citizen) off the street shouldn’t be permitted?

I agree with you on all of that, Dude. But hey, which way do you want it? Because you can’t have it both ways. Either repeal the law or use it to fix the damn economy.

Personally, I can’t wait to hear what Justice Thomas will confess to on that waterboard. Did he have a ‘Long Dong Silver’ porno collection in the garage, but burn it when he heard the FBI was coming? Just asking.

2 comments:

J said...

Here is why you are an idiot. You say finance businesses and "provide seed money for small start-up businesses". What would be the incentive for someone to create or build a business if all of their wealth goes to the government at 50% or 90% tax rates. Furthermore, those rich people that hate so much provide 99% of the seed money now. Do you know what a venture capitalist is? It is a person who collects money from wealthy individuals and institutions and invests it in new and innovative companies. History and basic economics shows that to get an economy to grow you start with "top down" growth; not stimulus packages and tax and spend nonsense.

New York Crank said...

Ordinarily I don't reply to idiots who think I'm one of them, but I'll make an exception in your case, J.

If you knew anything about tax brackets, you'd know that nobody is ever taxed 90 percent of his or her full income. The first, let's say for example, $25,000 of income gets taxed at 15 percent. Then the next, say $30,000 gets taxed at 25 percent, and so on, until a millionaire gets taxed at 90 percent of everything he makes more than, say, two million dollars in a year.

Of course, he also has tax deductions for his mansions, the yacht he uses to "entertain business clients," travel and other business expenses. And of course money plowed back into a business is not profit. It's a business expense.

Unfortunately, most of my Wall Street friends (one or two of them good friends) don't create companies or jobs for anyone. They move money around, taking pieces of it that fall off during the move. They do this because it pays better than growing a business that actually makes anything. If they could make more money starting a ketchup factory, or they had the technical knowledge to found another Google, they would. But the tax law simply encourages people to reach their hands into other peoples' pockets and grab a few fistfulls of money.

Take a tax accounting course before you bother me again, numbskull

Yours most crankily,
The New York Crank