The clown act continues — for the moment starring Lou Dobbs

No sooner did we crankily declare that a bunch of clowns are vying for the next Republican presidential nomination than Lou Dobbs climbed to the top of the circus highwire on his unicycle and began spritzing seltzer at the audience.

Dobbs, says the Wall Street Journal, is "trying to wipe away his image as an ememy of Latino immigrants by positioning himself as a champion of that fast-growing ethnic bloc."

Yes, you read that right. He wants to be their champion.

Lou Dobbs, who railed against Latinos sneaking across the border, now wants to make citizens out of those who did the sneaking.

Did he think the Latino community was misjudging him? Essentially, the answer to that was yes said Lou, the former enemy of undocumented aliens who now wants to be seen as the friend of those whose emnity he made — so that he can run first as a Republican candidate for Senator in heavily Hispanic New Jersey, and later as a candidate for president.

"By the way, I don't believe for a moment that the Latino, Hispanic community in the United States believes that of me at all," said Lou. "It has been the efforts of the far left to characterize me in their propaganda as such."

Right. And for years who was just about the only figure in the nationally-known news media (as opposed to the far right Yell-O-Sphere media that broadcasts the raving nut jobs) who constantly stated Lou Dobbs' positions supporting the notion sending Mexicans back where they came from is a good idea?

You guessed right. It was Lou Dobbs.

Bring on the clowns? Don't bother, they're here.

Send in the clowns! Potential Republican presidential candidates Dobbs vs. Palin vs. Sanford vs. Giuliani vs. Jindal vs. Limbaugh vs….?

Every time I start feeling low about how President Obama is doing...

Whenever I wonder why he is ignoring his base...

Whenever I fret about the next presidential election, the same thought occurs to me.

Obama doesn’t have to worry about his re-election because…

It’s the Republicans, stupid.

Or rather, it’s the stupid Republicans. They seem to be busily forcing centrists out of their party, making room for what, at least at this anticipatory moment, will be the clown act of the century.

Can you imagine the next Republican presidential primary — an exercise in who can look more right wing, sound more radical, or propose the most insane policies for the economy, healthcare, American homeland security and society?

Can you imagine the debate between Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin on the nuances of foreign policy concerning those parts of Kurdistan that lie within the Turkish border?

Can you imagine Bobby Jindahl making a fool of himself all over again on the economics of healthcare? Well, for that matter, on the economics of anything?

Or Mark Sanford singing a song about C Street and the soulmate he left behind in Argentina?

Or Rudy Giuliani explaining why his leading crime fighter is now a convicted felon, and why Rudy chose the World Trade Center as his "impenetrable" command center for use in case of an enemy attack?

Or Lou Dobbs explaining how years of sitting in front of a camera railing about illegal immigration qualifies him to deal with complicated decisions about national defense and the economy?

Get out the popcorn, folks! It’s gonna be better than Saturday Night Live.

Blow away the neighborhood for Christmas (and bayonet a few babies.) This handsome AK47 and Bayonet Set is yours free from Frontsight.com

If you scroll down a smidge, or go here, you’ll find a post discussing Dr. Ignatius Piazza, a chiropractor turned, umm, weapons enabler who recently offered me a handgun.

Evidently anxious for me to take a course at his reportedly resort-like school, he recently sent me an e-mail offering the AK47-with-bayonet-and-scabbard-set that you see above, to people who would sign up fast.

He's now using the tragic Fort Hood shootings to claim he’s mad as hell that our soldiers aren’t all armed on base. (I know from personal experience that as far back as 1962, soldiers on American bases had to turn in and lock up their weapons when finished with them on training exercises. I wouldn’t be surprised if that wise custom goes back at least as far as WWI. Not a bad idea idea, considering what might have grown out of some of the fistfights that occurred in the barracks.)

But never mind all that. If the Swiss government can arm its citizens (all of whom are military reservists) Dr. Piazza will arm you, too, without the onerous requirement that, like the Swiss, you join your Army Reserve or state national guard and face a call up to, oh, I dunno, Afghanistan or Iraq, maybe.

As for the AK47, it’s for your self-defense, says the good chiropractor. Defense against what? If a burglar sticks his head in through your window, one good hard whack with a frying pan ought to take care of it, without busting up the window panes and fillings the walls full of holes. And what’s the bayonet for?

On his website, Dr. Piazza shows a film in which a Swiss gun owner seems to imply we need to ward off invading Nazi forces.

Uh, doc? What invading Nazi forces? And come to think of it, hasn't Switzerland been neutral — and sent its troops nowhere, nowhere, nowhere — during WWI, WWII, Korea, Viet Nam, Iraq, and Afghanistan?

But that AK47 is a great toy for shooting up the neighborhood, blowing away the bickering couple down the block that's so annoying, and bayoneting their kids. Maybe their barking dog, too.

This guy is the best argument for gun control I’ve ever come across.

A man walks onto an army base and blows away a bunch of people — and this guy's giving away free firearms?

So I open my e-mail today and there's yet another e-mail (I get them almost daily) from 'Dr. Ignatius Piazza" of an organization called "Frontsight" urging me to sign up for his firearms course.

He's so anxious to have me, he'd be delighted to put a free gun in my hand.

He doesn't know who I am — whether I'm a psycho, or a murderer, or a rapist, or a terrorist. No matter. He-wants-that-gun-in-my-hand.

I won't torture you with his whole letter, but I'll let you finish off today's post with an excerpt, while I go barf.

There are only 58 brand new, Pocket Pistols left. Call my assistants Jon, Kendra or Ian today from 8:30am to 5:30pm PST to help you secure yours.

Here is why...

Something happened at Front Sight that has never happened before.

On Friday, November 6, 2009 Front Sight had 673 people arriving to attend our training. This is not only a record breaking weekend for Front Sight, this is a record for the firearms training industry!

This has never before happened any where in the world!

As you read this, those 673 people are being treated to a positively life-changing experience with all the personal attention needed, by the world's greatest firearms training instructional staff.

(One of the 673 has already responded to this e-mail from his BlackBerry. Here is what he said: "Dr. Piazza, That's awesome. I represent 7 of those people that are here right now. We are amazed with the detail and quality of training. I am a Pastor and want everyone I know to get involved at Front Sight! Thanks so much. Chuck Hickman. Soteria Church")

Well, come to think of it, there is one more thing I want to say. Who would Jesus blow away, pastor?

Is somebody trying to poison New York’s water? Maybe, warns NY State Senator Liz Kreuger. But hey, a buck’s a buck, so “Hydrofrack you!”

You’d think that if a city’s water supply were endangered — especially if it’s one of the largest cities in the world — the energy companies would, umm…

Err on the side of caution?

Don’t bet your shirt on it.

As I post this, New York State Senator Liz Kreuger is preparing to testify the next day at a DEC Public Hearing on “Hydrofracking in the Marcellus Shale.”

If you’ve never been hydrofracked,
you may be soon if you live in New York.

Hydrofracking is a process for extracting natural gas from shale beds, such as those close to the reservoirs that supply New Yorkers with their water.


Umm, a small problem

“Hydrofracking accidents have occurred in nine states throughout the country, and a similar accident in the watershed could result in contamination of our water supply,” warns Kreuger.

"Oh, just stop overregulating what ought to be a free market," say the free marketers (egged on, no doubt, by profit-seeking energby companies.)

It’s the classic case of those business selling us free market principles so that, if need be, they can get away with poisoning us.

But hang in there, all you Ayn Randite Free Market Conservatives. I see the point you’re about to make. If they make our water undrinkable, or if we all die, free market forces will punish those energy guys because you can bet your bottom debenture we’ll never buy their natural gas again.

That ought to show ‘em!