Laura busted in men’ room, Bin Laden gets his kidney dialysis here, and other previously unreported news

The news that a former French news correspondent, Alex Debat, (that’s him at left) faked interviews for the pretigious French magazine Politique Internationale and may have done so as a consultant for ABC News brings joy to my heart. http://blogs.abcnews.com/theblotter/2007/09/pelosi-greenspa.html

If the “professional” journals are no more reliable than the blogsphere, why can’t we blogists fake a few interviews, too?

Below, my suggested submissions of major news stories, based on authentically faked interviews and genuinely made-up facts:

FIRST LADY ARRESTED IN AIRPORT MEN’S ROOM
Minneapolis: First lady Laura Bush was arrested for disorderly conduct today in a Men’s Room of the Minneapolis airport. Mrs. Bush denied the charges claiming that in the first place she wandered in by mistake thinking it was the ladies room, that in second place she was entrapped, and that in the third place the motions she was making only had to do with a practice run at applying her lipstick, and fourth, she thought that if she pled guilty to disorderly conduct and went home, the whole thing would go away. Furthermore, she said, “I was only looking for George…”

OSAMA BIN LADEN GETS KIDNEY DIALYSIS AT WALTER REED ARMY HOSPITAL
Washington: In an exclusive interview, top terrorist Osama Bin Laden revealed today that he has been getting regular kidney dialysis treatments at Walter Reed Army Medical Center under the auspices of the CIA. The super-secret U.S. intelligence agency, he said, thinks his name is Hassan Ben Gladhand, and that he is an informant from Beirut. “During my last debriefing,” he said with a chuckle, “I told them I had definite information that Bin Laden was in Iraq running an Al Qaeda operation there, and also that they are definitely ‘winning’ the Iraqi war. The dummies bought it hookah, line and sinker…”

GEORGE BUSH PLANS TO DECLARE MARTIAL LAW IN THE U.S. AND REAPPOINT HIMSELF TO THE PRESIDENCY
Washington: Faced with continued gloomy news about public support for his Iraq policy, President George Bush today revealed that the nation “needs me too much” to replace him and that therefore he has called off the Presidential election, declared martial law, and named himself President for Life. “This is the only way we can continue our winning policy and war against terrorism,” he said in an exclusive interview.


TANTRUM-THROWING RUDY GIULIANI DISCOVERS A “VAST CONSPIRACY TO ELECT HILLARY” BUT NOW PLANS TO RUN AS A WOMAN
Complaining that his rival Hillary Clinton is “too pushy and taking all the attention away from me,” Former New York mayor and Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani threw a temper tantrum in front of an interviewer, lay down on the floor and kicked, then held his breath until he turned red. Finally, he began to spit. "Hillary is part of a vast conspiracy to elect Hillary," Giuliani complained bitterly, "but if the electorate wants a woman, I'll run as a woman."

FED UP WITH PRESS ATTENTION, CELEBS
DECLARE A GLOBAL NEWS BLACKOUT
New York: “We’re tired of tabloids, dumb headlines, false and misleading news about us, paparazzi and gossip,” a group of celebrities declared today. They included Tom Cruise, Brittney Spears, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and others. The celebrities had set up a joint press conference to declare, “We will no longer cooperate with the press.”