No no, the two guys whose pictures you see at the top aren’t the ones I’m talking about, but there is a connection. Ordinarily I’m opposed to the Death Penalty on humanitarian grounds. But I want to make three exceptions.
THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE
ON CAPITAL CHARGES
1. The barber who styles Donald Trump’s hair.
Look, I know The Donald has an ego the size of one of his towers and wants to cover what must be a humongous bald spot. But there are limits to what the world can stare at in disbelief before pointing their fingers at him and doubling over, roaring with laughter. A slight comb-over and blow dry (see virtually any male U.S. Senator) is understandable –although after a while you begin to wonder if you should trust anybody who parts his hair under his armpit.
But this is different. The Donald’s hair is coming from behind his head. No wonder Trump is a laughing stock. Who can trust a man who parts his hair under his ass? I say, to the wall or the scaffold with his barber.
2. The person who dresses Kim Jung Il.
If you want to be a ruthless thug of a dictator, at least have the good sense to dress the part. Take the boss in Russia – and this story – for example:
Anna Politkovskaya, the journalist who was actively reporting things about corruption that irritated, annoyed and infuriated the Putin government – and made Putin look bad – was found shot to death outside her apartment recently. The prosecutor is "investigating." Yeah, sure.
Anyway, let me ask you two questions about that:
Who do you suppose was ultimately responsible for the journalist’s murder? And have you ever seen Vladimir Putin wearing anything except a suit and tie?
What scares me even more is that George Bush (who also usually wears a suit and tie) and his pal “Poot-Poot” as George calls Putin, are hugging buddies.
But that’s off the point. What I’m trying to say is, ruthless dictators are supposed to dress nice. Even Saddam Hussein wore a necktie on state occasions. (They’ve since taken his away so he won’t hang himself with it in his cell.) So why is Kim Jung Il dressing like a 1950s Texaco gas station attendant? And why is his barber almost as bad as Donald Trump's? Send his dresser-person to the little green room, pronto!
3. The schoolteacher who taught George Bush how to mispronounce “nuclear.”
It’s “New-klee-ar,” teach, not “Noo-kew-lar.” How did you get your teaching license when you can’t even properly pronounce an important English-language word like nuclear? Or do they let anyone teach in Texas who can tell you which is his right hand within two guesses? All I can say to Texas educators who let people graduate when they speak like George, is “nuke-you!”
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Posted by The New York Crank at 5:15 PM